Family education(the same thing - raising children in a family) is a general name for the processes of influence on children by parents and other family members in order to achieve the desired results. Social, family and school education are carried out in inextricable unity. The problems of family education in the part where they come into contact with the school are studied by general pedagogy, and in other aspects – by social pedagogy.

The determining role of the family is due to its profound influence on the entire complex of physical and spiritual life of the person growing in it. For a child, the family is both a living environment and an educational environment. The influence of the family, especially in the initial period of a child’s life, far exceeds other educational influences. According to research, the family here reflects the school, the media, public organizations, work groups, friends, and the influence of literature and art. This allowed teachers to deduce a fairly definite relationship: the success of personality formation is determined primarily by the family. The better the family and the better its influence on education, the higher the results of the physical, moral, and labor education of the individual. With rare exceptions, the role of the family in the formation of personality is determined by dependence: like the family, like the person who grew up in it. This dependence has long been used in practice. Experienced mu The teacher only needs to look and talk to the child to understand what kind of family he is being raised in. In the same way, it is not difficult, after talking with parents, to determine what kind of children grow up in their family. Family and child are a mirror image of each other.

If the family has such a strong influence on the processes and results of personality development, then, naturally, it is the family that society and the state should give primary importance to in organizing proper educational influence. Strong, healthy, spiritual families are a powerful state. This is an axiom from which they do not deviate one iota in civilized countries.

History reminds us: all states had their difficulties at different times - revolutions, wars, economic and cultural decline.

Only those who survived and became powerful were those where the main unit of society - the family - was not destroyed. In our modern society it is becoming more and more noticeable family crisis, The way out of which is not yet clear. The crisis is expressed in the fact that the family is increasingly realizing its– main function

parenting. The reasons for this crisis are only partly related to the deterioration of the economic situation in the country; they are of a more general nature. Most experts come to a very pessimistic conclusion: we are beginning to pay for industrial civilization, which inevitably leads to the destruction of foundations, the deterioration of morals and human relations, and ultimately to the death of society. If this is true, then our chances for a better future are slim. Let's hope that human wisdom will still find a way out, and the situation in family education will change for the better.

We will not make horrific comparisons that characterize the deterioration of family education compared to the recent past. Let us only note that a frivolous attitude towards marriage and family, oblivion of traditions, moral principles, cynicism and drunkenness, lack of self-discipline and sexual promiscuity, a high percentage of divorces have the most detrimental effect on the upbringing of children.

What can a child take from a dilapidated family? After all, it is well known that it is in the family and through the family that his primary ideas, value orientations and social attitudes are formed. The pages of this book have already provided comparative assessments of family influence on the upbringing and development of personality.

The influence of the family on the child is stronger than all other educational influences. It weakens with age, but is never completely lost;

In the family, those qualities are formed that cannot be formed anywhere except in the family;

The family carries out the socialization of the individual and is a concentrated expression of his efforts in physical, moral and labor education. Members of society emerge from the family: what kind of family is such a society;

The family ensures the continuity of traditions;

The most important social function of the family is raising a citizen, a patriot, a future family man, and a law-abiding member of society;

Family has a significant influence on the choice of profession.

The fact that children are a “mirror” reflection of their parents is constantly confirmed.

Professor K.N. Volkov organized a very revealing experiment to study this dependence. A group of 6-7 year old preschoolers along with their mothers were invited to an interview.

They were left in the experimental room for half an hour, where they had to wait for an appointment with a psychologist. In the room there were many very interesting things for children - pictures, books, toys. The experimenter secretly observed how mothers and children would behave.

They behaved differently. Some began to look at books together, discuss them, draw or play, that is, actively interact with these objects.

Others just watched without touching anything. For the third half hour they sat and waited, showing no interest in the objects.

1. Subsequent testing confirmed that the children’s cognitive activity fully reflected the behavior of their parents. We are convinced once again: pedagogical laws operate inevitably. most working families, when the main time of parents is spent on earning a living (wages, food, goods, etc.).

2. Low culture of social life, double standards, hypocrisy of the authorities, social tension, uncertainty about the future, the threat of job loss, fear of getting sick and other reasons that lead people to a state of increased nervous tension and stress.

in the family - both for work and for family.

4. The survey showed that the workload of a city woman in simple families with children is 77 hours a week, including 36 hours at home. The average working day of a woman-mother, including Sunday, is 11 hours. High divorce rate

5. resulting from many social, everyday and moral reasons. Divorce is always a problem in raising children. Current public opinion

6. that the husband only helps his wife in raising children. It is not the family, but the woman who has childcare benefits. In the meantime, the legislation consolidates the situation in which raising children remains the sacred responsibility of a woman-mother. The equal right of father and mother in raising children, declared by law, is violated in practice. Exacerbation of conflicts between generations,

7. which are becoming more intense day by day. Information about family murders does not disappear from the pages of the press.

Increasing gap between family and school.

The ordinary comprehensive school, which for many reasons has become unprestigious and unattractive, has almost withdrawn from fulfilling the role of a family assistant. And although new public institutions have appeared, they have not yet become stronger and are not able to provide effective assistance to the family. For the first time in the last 60–70 years, our society is faced with the problem of child homelessness. Some children (about 5–6%) are generally deprived of family comfort. The state is forced to take care of them, creating a network of public educational institutions regardless of whether they are realized or not. Such options begin to exist as realities of relationships, and they arise gradually. Parents usually turn to the teacher about a conflict situation that arose “yesterday,” “a week ago.” That is, they do not see the process of development of relationships, not their sequence and logic, but, as it seems to them, a sudden, inexplicable, amazing event.

Conflict in the relationship between parents and children rarely arises accidentally and suddenly. Nature itself took care of the mutual affection of parents and children, giving them a kind of advance in the feeling of love and need for each other. Conflict is a harsh confrontation, emotional aggression, pain in relationships.

In healthy families, parents and children have natural, everyday relationships.

In a pedagogical sense, this means ideological, moral, emotional, intellectual, business connections between parents and children, close communication between them, as a result of which spiritual unity arises. The natural basis of such relationships is made up of family ties, feelings of motherhood and fatherhood, which are manifested in parental love and the caring attachment of children to their parents. How many families, so many characteristics of upbringing. But despite all their diversity, we can highlight

1. typical models relationships between adults and children in families. The analysis is based on the modification of relationships as one of the fundamental characteristics of interpersonal relationships.

2. Relationships are defined by the degree of tension and the consequences of negative influences on the upbringing of children. Relations between adults and children are normal, but there is a certain distance that neither parents nor children try not to violate. Children know their place in the family and obey their parents. Parents themselves decide what their children need. They grow up obedient, polite, friendly, but not proactive enough. They often do not have their own opinions and are dependent on others. Parents delve into the concerns and interests of their children, and children share their problems with them. Outwardly, the relationship is prosperous, but some deep, intimate connections may be disrupted.

At first, a barely perceptible “crack” appears in the emotional ties between parents and children. Factual data gives grounds to identify the most common reasons for this “crack”: a) some discrepancies between the nature of the requirements and personal behavior;

3. b) insufficient sensitivity, spiritual subtlety, tact of parents in specific situations, underestimation of the child’s need to be an individual. Sometimes parents psychologically do not keep up with the dynamism of their children’s development. And they are already schoolchildren, teenagers, already high school students, they already have their own opinions, they no longer agree.

In such cases, parental responsiveness should be increased.

This type of relationship also arises when parents are overly busy with themselves, work, hobbies, their relationships and quarrels. This is often expressed in insufficient fulfillment of parental duty, parents’ passivity in communicating with children, which gives them feelings of resentment and loneliness. And yet, natural affection and love for their parents remains, and children feel the desire to share their successes and sorrows, knowing that their parents remain their sincere well-wishers at heart.

4. Hostile families. It's bad for the kids here. Disrespect for them, mistrust, surveillance, corporal punishment. Children in such families grow up hidden, unfriendly, they treat their parents poorly, do not get along with each other and with their peers, do not like school, and may leave the family.

The mechanism of relations here is like this.

5. The behavior and life aspirations of children cause conflicts in the family, and at the same time, the parents are right (rather, right). Situations of this kind are usually associated with the age characteristics of children, when they cannot yet appreciate the experience of their parents and their efforts for the benefit of the family. Parents' justifiable grief is caused by their children's one-sided hobbies to the detriment of their studies, basic activities, and in some cases, immoral acts. It is important that parents in such situations strive to understand the motives of their children’s behavior and show sufficient respect for their reasons and arguments.

What happens in such families is not difficult to understand. Parents, as a rule, take a conflicting position. Conflict situations can be caused by the personal shortcomings of parents who do not know how or do not consider it necessary to suppress them in themselves, in their relationships with each other and with their children. This manifests itself in nervousness, hot temper, and intolerance to different opinions. Children react especially painfully to their parents’ craving for dubious entertainment and vodka.

Acute conflicts can also arise due to the emotional deafness of parents. Children of all ages are especially vulnerable in moments of subtle emotional experiences, elation, and lofty aspirations that are incomprehensible to adults.

Misunderstanding and non-acceptance of their experiences by adults leads to mutual alienation.

Both sides lose the ability to listen and understand each other.

Against the background of new opportunities for personal self-realization in conditions of democratic freedoms, modern teenagers and high school students more closely evaluate the scale of the personality of their parents, fathers in particular. Today, the “crisis of fatherhood” is acutely manifested in the forms of single-parent families, drunkenness, and the father’s detachment from the family. There are objective and subjective reasons for this, but they don’t make things any easier for children. Research by G.A. Filatova showed that on average 80% of them are loyal to their mothers and only 20% are loyal to their fathers: “the father drinks a lot,” “does not care about the family,” “does not want to help financially.”

Teachers identified several of the most common causes of this tragedy.

In the first place is the pedagogical incompatibility of parents. Raising children is one of the most difficult areas of human activity. And the vast majority of parents begin this most important task without having any clear, much less pedagogical, ideas about it.

The content of education in the family is determined by the general goal of a democratic society. The family is obliged to form a physically and mentally healthy, moral, and intellectually developed personality, ready for the upcoming work, social and family life. The components of the content of family education are well-known areas - physical, moral, intellectual, aesthetic, labor education. They are complemented by economic, environmental, political, and sexual education of the younger generations.

Physical education children and youth come to the fore today. No one doubts anymore - the priority of health cannot be replaced by any other. Physical education in the family is based on a healthy lifestyle and includes proper organization of the daily routine, playing sports, hardening the body, etc.

Intellectual education involves the interested participation of parents in enriching children with knowledge, creating the need for their acquisition and constant updating. The development of cognitive interests, abilities, inclinations and inclinations is placed at the center of parental care.

Moral education in the family is the core of the relationships that shape the personality. Here, the education of enduring moral values ​​- love, respect, kindness, decency, honesty, justice, conscience, dignity, duty - comes to the fore. All other moral qualities are formed in the family: reasonable needs, discipline, responsibility, independence, frugality. It does not matter at all what foundations of moral values ​​parents and children rely on - Christian morality, general ethical teachings or the moral code of the builder of communism.

It is important that they are kind, humane, and constructive. Aesthetic education

in the family it is intended to develop the talents and gifts of children or, at a minimum, to give them an idea of ​​the beauty that exists in life. This is especially important now, when previous aesthetic guidelines are being questioned, many false values ​​have appeared, confusing both children and parents, destroying their inner world, the harmony inherent in nature. children lays the foundation for their future life.

A person who is not accustomed to work has one path - the search for an “easy” life.

It usually ends badly.

If parents want to see their child on this path, they can afford the luxury of removing themselves from labor education.

What parent would not be flattered by the words: “Your children are very neat,” “Your children are so well-mannered,” “Your children amazingly combine loyalty and self-esteem.” Which of them would not want their children to give preference to sports over cigarettes, ballroom dancing over alcohol, intense self-education over wasting time. But for this you need to work long and hard in the field of education. For parents, family education is a process of conscious formation of the physical and spiritual qualities of children. Every father and every mother should understand well what they want to raise in their child.

1. This determines the conscious nature of family education and the requirement for a reasonable and balanced approach to solving educational problems. Family education in pedagogy is understood as a controlled system of relationships between parents and children. The relationship between parents and children is always educational in nature. The educational work of parents in the family is, first of all, self-education. Therefore, every parent needs to learn to be a teacher, learn to manage relationships with children. The study of educational and pedagogical relationships that arise between parents and children is of particular importance for preventing deviations in the moral development of schoolchildren.

In the modern practice of family education, three styles (types) of relationships are quite clearly distinguished: authoritarian, democratic and permissive attitude of parents towards their children.» he considered the most terrible and savage kind of authority. Cruelty and terror are the main features of this attitude of parents (usually fathers) towards children. Always keeping children in fear is the main principle of oppressive relationships. This method of upbringing inevitably leads to the upbringing of children who are weak-willed, cowardly, lazy, downtrodden, “slush,” embittered, vindictive and often tyranny.

« The authority of distance and swagger» manifests itself in the fact that parents, either “for educational purposes” or due to current circumstances, try to stay away from their children - “so that they obey better.”

2. Contact with children for such parents is extremely rare: they entrusted upbringing to their grandparents. Parents do not want to lose their parental prestige, but they get the opposite. The child’s alienation begins, and with it comes disobedience and difficulty in educating.

Liberal

3. The style presupposes forgiveness and tolerance in relations with children. Its source is excessive parental love. Children grow up undisciplined and irresponsible. Permissive type of attitude A.S. Makarenko calls it “the authority of love.” Its essence lies in indulging the child, in the pursuit of child affection by showing excessive affection and permissiveness. In their desire to win a child, parents do not notice that they are raising an egoist, a hypocritical, calculating person who knows how to “play along” with people. This, one might say, is a socially dangerous way of relating to children.

Teachers who show such forgiveness towards a child, A.S. Makarenko called them “pedagogical beasts” who carry out the most stupid, most immoral type of relationship.

Democratic

A huge place in these books is occupied by stories dedicated to children's health. It is no coincidence that one of Nikitina’s chapters was titled: “The main concern is health.” In this section there is a conversation about the health of the child from his first hour.

The Nikitina couple experienced many problems and difficulties due to diathesis, which bothered their six children. Only on the seventh time did they decide to put the baby to the breast as early as possible as a preventative measure.

The result of this is no trace of diathesis until school age. Diathesis is not considered a disease, but it causes a lot of torment for the child and parents. And here is a very simple recipe for getting rid of diathesis.

In general, Nikitins do not recommend adhering to a strict feeding regime. It is better to observe the child and establish a regime that he chooses for himself. And if your baby has a need to feed at night, do not deny him this. As we see, these provisions contradict traditional medicine.

The problem of diathesis pushed the Nikitins to “hardening”. Lena Alekseevna discovered that in the cold the child’s facial spots from diathesis disappear and itching decreases. Noticing this, she began to carry out “hardening” - taking the child into the cold vestibule for a short time. The child immediately stopped crying and even had fun. At 1.5 years old, the baby was already running barefoot into the snow. It was from this period that hardening began in the Nikitin family. The child’s example became an example for parents, who also began to resort to “snow procedures.”

Nikitina’s hardening system also includes air baths during feeding. It is implied that the child is dressed only in a vest, and later may be completely naked. But for the baby to sleep, he already needs to be wrapped in diapers.

The Nikitins consider the sun to be no less beneficial than the cold. You also need to gradually get used to the sun. From the first days, take the baby out into the sun undressed for 5–6 minutes, covering his head with a corner of the diaper. In a month you can sunbathe 10–20

When talking about health, we cannot overlook the issue of children's nutrition. The Nikitins do not give much advice on this issue. Their most important and persistent recommendations are fresh vegetables and fruits on the table every day. And confectionery and chocolate can be allowed on major holidays, which is not at all like modern parents who often pamper their children with sweets.

In addition to the listed problems, there are other problems that are postponed “for later”. These are problems of physical, mental and moral education; they need to be solved already in the first year of a child’s life.

The first physical exercises for a child are muscle tension in various situations, for example, tension from coolness, when parents handle the baby more energetically, lifting and lowering the baby when he holds on to the parents’ fingers. As the child grows up, the range of his physical exercises expands, because he begins to crawl.

The Nikitins consider this very useful for the development of movements. First of all, these are enormous (for a child!) distances that must be overcome. What a lot of work for the arms, legs, and heart too, how can they be compared with micro-movements in the crib.

It is believed that crawling is an optional phase in the development of a child’s movements. But there are times when in games or sports exercises you need to crawl quickly and easily.

This is much more difficult for someone who is not used to it: after all, other muscle groups are used here.

The Nikitins laid the basis for the mental development of their children on “three pillars”: a rich environment for a variety of activities, greater freedom and independence of children in activities and games, and sincere interest of parents in all their affairs.

The Nikitins consider a timely start to be the most important condition for the development of all abilities.

Every child, when born, has enormous opportunities to develop abilities for all types of human activity. With age, these capabilities gradually fade away and become weaker. Therefore, it is very important that conditions advance development, which will be simply timely, and not at all “early”.

A child needs a wide field of activity; he needs pencils, chalk, paper, glue, scissors, a hammer, chamfers, cardboard, plasticine, cubes - everything with which to work. And this provides a wealth of conditions for the development of the child. The Nikitins have a workshop room for such activities, where you can glue, cut, saw, hammer nails, etc., that is, express yourself in any kind of creativity. The Nikitins tried to take advantage of the sensitivity and receptivity of the child's mind in teaching literacy, counting, in introducing children to measures of length, weight, time, etc. Children from an early age use visual aids, which are presented in a wide range in the Nikitins' house.

This is a cash register of written letters made of wire, a meter-tall educational thermometer, a homemade clock, simple mathematical tables, measuring instruments: scales, dynamometers, stopwatches.

Along with freedom in actions and pastime, the Nikitin family coexists with obligatory things that must be done without any “want it or don’t want it.” And there are many such things in the house. The main thing is not to miss the moment when the child wants to help, tries to do everything that dad or mom does. This help should be accepted, not rejected. When giving some instructions, you need to offer help to another, and not give orders.

In the Nikitin family, all children have assignments, starting from a young age, for example, from one year. And at the end of the month, all children receive a salary for work at a “home sewing factory”, sign a statement indicating the worker’s “qualification”, the number of working hours and the amount: from 23 kopecks for four-year-old Yulia to 3-4 rubles for mother and ten-year-old Anton . This is how a very careful attitude towards labor money arose, which was not spent frivolously, but only on necessary things.

Elena Alekseevna Nikitina is sure that physical, mental, and labor education are important. But the most important thing in life with children is establishing human relationships. She is convinced that, for example, a child’s school life depends not only on his health and mental development, but also on how he will be in the group of children. Is he responsive or selfish, sociable or withdrawn, can he remain himself in various difficult situations. It all depends on what kind of communication experience he had before school: whether he had someone to care about, someone to argue with, someone to defend himself to, whether he learned to regret, sympathize, understand others and whether he felt incomparable joy to do something for people, the joy of giving, the joy of feeling needed by people. On the path to these elementary truths, the Nikitins were helped by the fact that they had a large family, where children acted in a variety of relationships with adults and among themselves - help, care, imitation, defending, resentment, pity, etc., etc. And the parents regulated these relationships, established them on the basis of mutual respect among family members and on the basis of caring for each other. This is how children develop the correct orientation in moral values, a firm knowledge of what is good and what is bad.

Methods of raising children in the family are the ways (methods) by which the purposeful pedagogical influence of parents on the consciousness and behavior of children is carried out. They do not differ from the general methods of education discussed above, but have their own specifics:

The influence on the child is individual, based on specific actions and tailored to the individual,

The choice of methods depends on the pedagogical culture of the parents: understanding of the purpose of education, parental role, ideas about values, style of relationships in the family, etc.

Therefore, methods of family education bear a vivid imprint of the personality of the parents and are inseparable from them. How many parents - so many varieties of methods.

For example, some parents’ persuasion is a gentle suggestion, while others have a threat or a scream. When a family's relationship with children is close, warm, and friendly, the main method is encouragement. In cold, alienated relationships, severity and punishment naturally prevail.

The methods are very dependent on the educational priorities set by the parents: some want to instill obedience, and therefore their methods are aimed at ensuring that the child flawlessly fulfills the demands of adults. Others consider it more important to teach independent thinking and initiative and, naturally, find appropriate methods for this. All parents use common methods of family education: persuasion (explanation, suggestion, advice); personal example; encouragement (praise, gifts, interesting prospects for children), punishment (deprivation of pleasures, refusal of friendship, corporal punishment). In some families, on the advice of teachers, educational situations are created and used.

Various means

1. solving educational problems in the family. Among these means: the word, folklore, parental authority, work, teaching, nature, home life, national customs, traditions, public opinion, the spiritual and moral climate of the family, the press, radio and television, daily routine, literature, museums and exhibitions, games and toys, demonstrations, physical education, sports, holidays, symbols, attributes, relics, etc. their positive and negative qualities: what they read, what they are interested in, what assignments they carry out, what difficulties they experience, what kind of relationships they have with classmates and teachers, adults, children, what they value most in people, etc. Seemingly simple information, but 41% of parents do not know what books their children read; 48% – what films they watch; 67% - what kind of music they like; more than half of parents cannot say anything about their children’s hobbies. Only 10% of students answered that their families know where they go, who they meet, and who their friends are. According to sociological research (1997), 86% of young offenders responded that their parents did not control their late returns home.

2. Personal experience of parents their authority, the nature of family relationships, and the desire to educate by personal example also affect the choice of methods.

This group of parents usually chooses visual methods and uses teaching relatively more often. 3. If parents give preference for joint activities,

4. then practical methods usually prevail. Intensive communication during joint work, watching TV shows, hiking, walking gives good results: children are more frank, this helps parents understand them better. There is no joint activity, no reason or opportunity for communication.

A typical mistake in many current families, where children are educationally neglected, is the desire of parents to re-educate them as quickly as possible, in one fell swoop. No less typical is the mistake when the only child of the parents seizes a privileged position in the family. Everything is allowed to him, his every desire is immediately fulfilled.

Grandparents, and sometimes mothers and fathers, justify this attitude towards the child by saying that “they have had a lot of difficulties and hardships, so at least let the child live for his own pleasure.” And an egoist, a tyrant, a darling grows up in the family. When this is noticed, it becomes obvious that the strictest measures must be taken. But any “change” is much more difficult than proper upbringing from an early age, since in the process of drastic “re-education” and the adoption of strict measures, the nervous system is injured. It is in these cases that there is a real opportunity to turn a child into a neurasthenic.

Another mistake made by parents is strict, to the point of cruelty, authority over children from an early age. In childhood, a child experiences all types of punishment. For the slightest prank he is beaten, for thoughtlessness he is punished.

At the age of 10–12, children begin the most difficult time for a teacher - they become teenagers and for the first time begin to critically think about the life around them. It is at this age that more stringent measures are needed to keep the child from doing something bad, and parents do not have them.

Literature l l Markovskaya I.M. Training for interaction between parents and children. – St. Petersburg : “Speech”, 2000. Ovcharova R.V. Technologies of practical educational psychologist. – M.: “Sphere”, 2000. Styles of parental behavior // School psychologist. – 2000. - No. 25. Schneider L. B. Psychology of family relations. Lecture course. - M.: April-Press, Publishing House EKSMOPress, 2000. - 512 p. (Series “Department of Psychology”).

Contents of the educational material The concept of family. The relationship and difference between the concepts of “marriage” and “family”. Historical evolution of marriage and family relations. Functions of the family in society. Features of a modern family. Family prospects. l Social psychology of the family. Creating a family. Motives for marriage. Status - role and positional relationships in the family. Dynamics of functional-role, emotional-evaluative and value-semantic relationships in the family. Family norms, traditions, values. Conditions for stability and quality of marriage. Family conflicts. Reasons for family breakdown. l Age dynamics of family relationships. Young family. Features of the initial period of family life. The values ​​of a young family. Giving birth and raising children. Family and problems of professional and individual fulfillment. Social and psychological patterns and stages of family development. Difficulties in the life of spouses together and overcoming them. l Types of families and family education. Family as symbiosis and guardianship tactics in raising children. Family as formal cooperation; tactics of dictatorship and non-interference in the relationship between parents and children. Family as an event community and tactics of cooperation, trust in the relationship between children and parents. Intergenerational relationships in the family. l

Domestic and foreign monographs devoted to the problems of family and marriage are no longer a rare phenomenon (E. G. Eidemiller, V. V. Justitskis, B. N. Kochubey, V. Satir, D. Skinner, G. Navaitis, etc.). l Most studies reflect the motives for marriage, the functions of the family, the causes of family conflicts and divorces, and methods of family therapy. l The range of psychological works in which the subject of study would be the evolution of the family, its structure, and the specifics of relationships, both marital and child-parent, is significantly limited. Among the well-known works, we can mention the studies of A. G. Kharchev and V. N. Druzhinin. l

A family is a system of relationships that unites not only spouses, but also other relatives or close people and friends that spouses need. l Family is a historically specific system of relationships between spouses, between parents and children, as a small group, the members of which are connected by marriage and kinship relationships, a common life, and mutual moral responsibility and the social necessity of which is determined by the need in society for the physical and spiritual reproduction of the population (A.G. Kharchev) l The uniqueness of a family lies in their emotional and related potential. l Family is a group of close relatives living together. Uniting people united by common interests (S. I. Ozhegov) l

l l l l Family is a small social group of society, the most important form of organizing personal life, based on the marital union and family ties, that is, on multilateral relationships between husband and wife, parents and children, brothers and sisters and other relatives living together and leading a common household . A family is a complex entity that has four characteristics: a family is a small social group of society; family is the most important form of organizing personal life; family - marital union; family - multilateral relationships of spouses with relatives: parents, brothers and sisters, grandparents and other relatives living together and leading a common household. A family is a systemic-functional association of emotionally significant people based on marriage, kinship and parenthood.

A family is created by the parent-child relationship. The family is based on a single family activity. It is characterized by a community of people connected by the bonds of marriage, parenthood, continuity of family generations, as well as the socialization of children and the maintenance of the existence of family members. l The “nuclear” structure in this sociological version is the nuclear family, represented in the trinity of relations of marriage - parenthood - kinship. The loss of one of these links, according to a number of scientists, characterizes the fragmentation of family groups. l In order to get a holistic picture of the family, it is necessary to take into account the relationships that develop in it according to the type: husband - wife; wife children; children - parents; children are children. There may be different types of family, but a full-fledged family is one that has all types of relationships. l

Currently, there are two types of families: a mature family and a problem family (V. Satir) l l l l l In a mature family you can get support, positive emotions, relaxation, consistency, logic of action, simplicity, openness, a desire to understand, help, respect and love. Family members feel protected, respected and loved. They also look different in appearance from those who live in problem families. These people are free, calm, peaceful. In such families, it is customary to touch each other and express their feelings of love and affection. A mature family is able to constructively resolve disagreements or conflicts that may arise, with a desire to find compromise or cooperation. People in such families are sincere, their actions do not diverge from their words and do not carry double messages. Parents in such families know that any child is a gift, it is a value. l l l A problematic family is immediately visible. She is cold in relationships with each other, uncomfortable. In such a family, each family member feels lonely, sad and sad. There is tension in such a family. At the same time, they can be polite and helpful towards each other. According to V. Satir, this happens because all sources of life are blocked. people suffer, this can be seen in their facial expressions, in their body language. In this case, faces may be sad, gloomy or express nothing, not emotional, reminiscent of masks. It’s as if they are detached from what is happening and are in their own inner world. In such families, they are not disposed towards each other, as if they live together by chance. In such families there is a lot of edification and control and there is absolutely no friendly conversation or time for pleasant time together. Family members either cling to each other, thereby trying to indicate the commonality of life together, or are increasingly late at work, minding their own affairs and interests and do not devote any time to their loved ones.

Positive characteristics of prosperous families (K. G. Rogers): l devotion and cooperation, l communication involving open self-expression, l flexibility in relationships, l independence.

in disharmonious families there are fewer positive moments and moments of joy than negative ones. l Moreover, there are more positive aspects towards other people outside your family than in your own family. l The establishment of honest, sincere relationships in the family is hampered by prejudice and family myths that can be passed on from generation to generation. l There are children, parents, family members who have low self-esteem. One of the reasons for low self-esteem may be the presence of a physical, intellectual or mental defect. Such people are insecure, expecting tricks, humiliation, and insults from other people. With their behavior, they begin to defend themselves and create situations that provoke people to exactly the behavior that they expect and provoke. After which they go into their closed world, into loneliness, into isolation, becoming apathetic, indifferent and depressed. Such people build relationships according to the type of despotic and domineering, or according to the type of submission and humiliation. Such people are afraid of everything, since loneliness and mistrust always give rise to fear. They feel inadequate, hopeless, and unpromising. l

l Getting married and starting a family is now such an ordinary phenomenon that it seems like it has always been this way. l The European type of marriage arose more than 300 years ago, but the history of the emergence of the monogamous family goes back many, many millennia.

Traditional marriage and family relations Alternative forms of marriage and family relations 1. legal (legally formalized, fixed) 1. 1. loneliness 1. 2. unregistered cohabitation 2. necessarily with the desire and presence of children 2. 0. deliberately childless marriage 3. stable 3. 0 . divorces, repeated marriages and family relationships 4. male ideology (installation on the primacy of men) 4. 0. open marriage 5. sexual fidelity of partners 5. 1. extramarital sex 5. 2. swinging 5. 3. intimate friendship 6. heterosexuality 6 0. homosexuality 7. dyadicity 7. 0. group marriage, residential communities and collective families

Unregistered cohabitation - this form of informal marriage and family relations has become widespread in Russia under the name “civil marriage”, which is terminologically incorrect, since it is a legal, legally formalized marriage that is civil, which is recorded by the civil registry office (ZAGS) . l Open marriage. Its main feature is an unspoken or voiced agreement on personal life. The main conflict of modern marriage is the impossibility of combining intimacy and free personal growth. The goal of an open marriage is to increase openness, self-expression and authenticity of relationships, and increase partners' tolerance for each other. l Swinging refers to the exchange of marriage partners. In this case, two married couples form a so-called “Swedish” family. l

l l l l There are five problem areas in family relationships: housekeeping, budget distribution, raising a child (children), spending time together, communication. V. Satir believes that family life is the most difficult activity in the world. She believes that family relationships are the joint activities of two organizations for a single result.

E. Erikson l The characteristics of a child’s experience of the stages of his maturation depend on whether he was able to realize the basic needs of love and trust, independence, enterprise and recognition.

D. Boumrin, studying the characteristics of parental behavior in three groups of children Competent - with a consistently good mood, with well-developed self-control of their own behavior, the ability to establish friendly relationships in a group, striving to explore rather than avoid new situations. l Avoidants - with a predominance of a gloomy-sad mood, difficult to establish contacts with peers, avoiding new and frustrating situations. l Immature – unsure of themselves, with poor self-control, with refusal reactions in frustrated situations. l

parameters of parental behavior l l Parental control: they prefer to have a great influence on children, are able to insist on the fulfillment of their demands, and are consistent in them. Controlling actions are aimed at modifying the manifestations of dependence in children, aggressiveness, development of play behavior, as well as more successful development of parental standards and norms. Parental requirements: encouraging the development of maturity in children: parents try to ensure that children develop their abilities in the intellectual and emotional spheres, interpersonal communication, insist on the need and right of children to independence and independence.

parameters of parental behavior l l Information over control. - methods of communication, strive to use persuasion in order to achieve obedience, justify their point of view, and at the same time are ready to discuss it with children, ready to listen to their argumentation. Parents with a low score do not clearly express their demands and more often resort to indirect methods - complaining, screaming, swearing. Emotional support. – Parents are able to express empathy, love and warmth, their actions and emotional attitude are aimed at promoting the physical and spiritual growth of children. They feel satisfaction and pride from their children’s successes.

Child competence l Adequate control involves a combination of emotional acceptance with a high volume of demands, consistency and consistency in presentation to the child.

parental style a) control: the extent to which parents use power to achieve agreement, as well as their assessment of obedience as a positive quality. One pole was called “control”, and the opposite “autonomy support”; l b) structuredness: parents providing children with clear and consistent principles and rules of behavior; l c) involvement: the degree to which parents are interested in, aware of and actively involved in their child's life. l

“autonomy support” 1) autonomy as a value; parents see the child’s autonomy as an important goal and condition of upbringing, as opposed to recognizing the priority of obedience and conformity; l 2) educational techniques: to what extent the applied methods of motivational and disciplinary influence contribute to the formation of autonomy. Controlling methods such as physical punishment and the use of rewards to control a child’s behavior (wash half the room and go to the cinema) were rated low. They rated highly such parameters as argumentation and persuasion, encouragement and a benevolent form of limit setting; l 3) non-directiveness, thanks to which the child is included in decision-making regarding certain problems. l

Structure was assessed on two scales: l 1) the presence of explicit rules and norms of behavior; l 2) the sequence of application of these rules.

Involvement l was assessed on three scales: l 1) parental awareness, the degree of familiarity with the psychological and behavioral characteristics of the child’s life; l 2) time spent communicating with the child; l 3) joy and pleasure from communicating with the child.

the influence of parental attitudes on achievement motivation - the influence of reinforcements on achievement motivation, starting from primary school age, is mediated by the level of the standard set by parents regarding the child’s achievements, as well as the level of compliance of this standard with his individual capabilities; l - the influence of reinforcements is also mediated by the timing of the formation of the child’s independence: too early and too late timing is unfavorable for the development of motivation for success; l - the general atmosphere of upbringing is more important than reinforcement - parents’ acceptance of their child; l - non-directiveness in communication, abandonment of controlling means of interaction in favor of informative means of interaction has a significant positive impact on the development of the child’s internal motivation l

Garbuzov V.I.: 3 types of incorrect education: A. Non-acceptance, emotional rejection, attempts at “correction”, “improvement”, Regulation, imposing the only correct behavior on him, non-acceptance to the point of real refusal, strict control, along with this connivance, indifference; l B. (hypersocialization) – anxious and suspicious concentration of attention on the child, concentration on social status, health, expectation of success, desire for multidisciplinary training, underestimation of the child’s real capabilities. l V. (egocentric) – the idol of the family, the only meaning of life, the attention of all family members. l

A. V. Petrovsky l l l Diktat is the systematic suppression of the initiative of another. Guardianship is a relationship in which parents ensure that all the needs of the child are met. Non-interference – presupposes the coexistence of two worlds: “adults” and “children”. Parity is an even “allied” relationship based on the mutual benefit of all members of the union. Cooperation involves the mediation of interpersonal relationships to the common goals and objectives of joint activities.

A. E. Personally, E. G. Eidemiller: l l l Hypoprotection is a lack of care and control over the child’s behavior leading to complete neglect, hidden G. - with formal control, real non-involvement in the child’s life, lack of warmth and care. Frustration of the need for love and belonging. Provokes vagrancy, an idle lifestyle. Dominant hyperprotection is intense attention and care with petty control, an abundance of prohibitions and restrictions, which enhances lack of initiative and indecision, and the inability to stand up for oneself. Sensitive, astheno-neurotic teenagers, hyperthymics - protest Indulging hyperprotection - upbringing like a family idol, indulgence, adoration - high level of claims, desire for superiority, with insufficient persistence, psychopathy of the hysterical circle.

A. E. Personally, E. G. Eidemiller: l l Emotional rejection, ignoring the needs of a teenager, often cruel treatment of him. Constant dissatisfaction. Sometimes exaggerated concern, but lack of sincerity, irritation in communication, desire to avoid close contacts. Increased moral responsibility means increased demands that do not take into account the child’s capabilities. Requirements of uncompromising, honesty, decency... Assigning responsibility to the child for the life and well-being of a loved one (decompensation of the psychasthenic type).

A. Y. Varga and V. V. Stolin l l l “Acceptance - rejection”. Acceptance: the parent likes the child for who he is. He respects the child’s individuality and sympathizes with him. Rejection: the parent perceives his child as bad, unadapted, unsuccessful, and for the most part feels anger, annoyance, irritation, and resentment towards the child. He does not trust the child, does not respect him. “Cooperation” - the parent is interested in the affairs and plans of the child, tries to help him in everything. He highly appreciates his intellectual and creative abilities and feels a sense of pride in him. “Symbiosis” - the parent constantly feels worried about the child; he seems small and defenseless to him. The parent does not provide the child with independence. “Authoritarian hypersocialization” - the parent demands unconditional obedience and discipline from the child. He tries to impose his will on him in everything; the child is severely punished for showing self-will. The parent closely monitors the child's social behavior and demands social success. “Little loser” - in the parental attitude there is a desire to infantilize the child, to attribute to him personal and social failure. The child appears to be unadapted, unsuccessful, and open to bad influences. The adult tries to protect the child from the difficulties of life and strictly control his actions.

Ross Campbell. How to really love children. Expressions of love: l Eye contact l Physical contact l Close attention l Discipline

Style of parental behavior - characteristics of R.'s temperament and family stereotypes l 9 independent variables of temperament. l Activity: the degree, tempo, frequency with which the motor element is present in behavior. rhythmicity: regularity in the manifestation of basic biological functions - sleep, bowel movements, eating. Approach-avoidance: the first reaction to new stimuli. Adaptability - the ease of changing the initial reaction in the required direction. Intensity of reactions: energy level to emotiogenic stimuli Quality of mood: number of positive in relation to negative (crying, excitement, fear). threshold of sensitivity, reactivity: the level of external stimulation for a reaction to occur. Distractibility: The extent to which external stimuli change behavior. Concentration, endurance, how long you can study despite distractions. l l l l

A family is a small socio-psychological group based on marriage, whose members are united by living together and running a household. One of the essential features of a family is the emotional connection between its members, moral responsibility to each other and the provision of mutual assistance.

The family is a historical phenomenon; its forms, functions and content are determined by society, the level of its cultural and economic development, social relations, including industrial relations. On the issue of family origins, two points of view predominate. Some believe that under the primitive communal system, promiscuous sexual relations prevailed, which were replaced by group and later pair marriage, which became the basis of first a large maternal clan (matriarchy), and then a large paternal clan (patriarchy). Other researchers argue that the family was originally a pair.

The main functions of the modern family, as before, include reproductive (procreation), economic and educational. Family upbringing predetermines the system of needs and motivation of an adult, his perception of the world around him, self-esteem and significant psychological characteristics, as well as the ability to adapt to various living conditions. To a large extent, under the influence of family upbringing, attitudes in professional activity, attitudes towards work, society, its norms and values ​​are formed. The fundamental things that are laid down in the family are difficult to change later. The question of family education of the younger generation in any society and at any time is one of the most important, because the answer to it largely determines the future of society itself.

The educational potential of a family is determined by a number of factors: material, spiritual, national, psychological, pedagogical, emotional. What matters for raising a child is the type family structure. Several forms of families are known, classified on different grounds (Fig. 34).

Nuclear family(from Latin nucleus - core) consists of a pair of spouses with or without children. (This family may be complete or single-parent if there is only one parent.) In contrast, the extended family also includes the grandparents and other relatives of the wife or husband. Based on the number of children, families are divided into single-child families (one child), small families (two or three children) and large families (more than three children). Leadership in the family is one of the most important features that determine the characteristics of family education. A family can be egalitarian, i.e. equal, patriarchal led by the father or matriarchal led by the mother. Potentially problematic families are those in which the normal socialization of children is difficult. These include families of refugees, the unemployed, alcoholics, drug addicts, criminals, as well as low-income families with large families, those with disabled children, and those living in so-called depressed areas.

It is customary to highlight several factors determining family upbringing:
distribution of roles in the family;
models of parent-child relationships;
education strategies (system of punishments and rewards);
parents' value orientation.

Family roles are distributed according to who is in charge and who is involved in upbringing. The patriarchal type of distribution assumes the primacy of the father, while the mother is assigned the function of raising children. According to sociological research, in modern Russia the majority of families living in rural areas belong to this type. The primacy of the mother is observed mainly in families of small towns, and the mother acts both as the head of the family and as a teacher of children. The etalitarian structure, which provides for the equality of spouses both in terms of decision-making and in terms of raising the younger generation, is most often found in large cities.

Inequality between spouses is usually accompanied by hierarchical relationships between parents and children. In such families, children are not allowed to have their own point of view; they are expected to obey their parents unconditionally. In an egalitarian structure, children are treated as equals, tolerance of dissent, including among children, and disputes between children and parents are encouraged.

The type of relationship between parents and children affects the adaptive capabilities of a growing person. Most adaptive to modern living conditions " optimists“- children who grew up, as a rule, in an egalitarian family, where they were allowed to argue, defend their point of view, and show independence. Among the unadapted (“ pessimists") more often there are people with an authoritarian nature of socialization, those who were not allowed to argue and show independence, with whom parents did not strive to establish equal relationships.

Models of relationships between parents and children are determined not only by the distribution of roles, but by the degree of emotional responsiveness and educational confidence of parents. The most severe consequences for a child are emotional rejection and indifference. Children raised without parental love are lagging behind in intellectual development, they are characterized by emotional immaturity, increased aggressiveness, and the appearance of a feeling of “learned helplessness.” All this leads to apathy, loss of curiosity and initiative, fear of new situations and people. The other pole of the emotional relationship with a child is raising a family idol, excessive adoration, which leads to the development of an inadequately high level of aspirations, an unbridled desire for superiority without due perseverance and reliance on one’s own strengths and capabilities. Another type of emotional relationship is deliberate deprivation of love. If a child does something wrong, parents do not punish him, but simply begin to ignore him: they do not talk to him, they do not notice his presence. This behavior of parents in some children causes a feeling of impotent anger and outbursts of aggression, in others it gives rise to a feeling of their own uselessness and loneliness. Obedience is achieved through devaluation of oneself, loss of self-esteem. Another way is to create a feeling of guilt in the child, reproaching him for ingratitude, for “causing nothing but trouble,” “bringing him to a heart attack,” etc. This behavior of parents, who place responsibility on the child for the life and well-being of loved ones, and the insistent demand for success, causes the child to fear being guilty of the parents’ troubles, blocks initiative and independence, and leads to neurotic states.

Parenting strategy- this is a system of reward and punishment, control and demands made by parents. Strategies are determined by two factors.

Firstly, the nature of the distribution of family roles. In patriarchal families, the leading methods of education are punishment and restrictions. Children in such families grow up obedient, fearful, non-aggressive, and not too persistent in achieving their goals. In egalitarian families, where parents make decisions together, on a parity basis, punishments are used less frequently, and a democratic parenting style predominates. Children grow up to be socially active, easily come into contact with peers, have a moderately expressed desire for leadership, and are difficult to control externally.

Second factor - parents' ideas about the purpose of the educational process, about what children need to be taught and what qualities to cultivate in them.

In modern Russian society, serious changes are taking place in value orientations. Let us recall that values ​​are a sociological concept used to designate objects that embody social ideals and, thanks to this, act as a standard of what is proper. In the process of education, a person assigns values, and they become his views, attitudes, motives and regulators of behavior. Therefore, at the level of society, values ​​change much faster than at the level of an individual. Moreover, a person may not change his ideals, remaining committed to previously formed views. Therefore, the following situation is observed today. The traditional model of values, which includes moral values ​​expressed in hard work, honesty, decency, as well as such psychological qualities as accuracy, neatness, politeness, obedience, discipline, thrifty attitude towards money and things, continue to be shared by people of the older generation. Modernist values ​​are associated with self-determination, independence, and self-realization of the individual. Many young parents accept these values ​​and strive to raise their children to be self-sufficient and independent, active and purposeful, inquisitive and intellectually developed, striving for success, and tolerant of the opinions and views of other people. However, in real practice, not everyone succeeds in providing such an upbringing to a child, because the parents themselves must at least have these qualities and be able to nurture them. Otherwise, they only broadcast what they received from their parents and what they themselves possess. In other words, they know how not to educate, but they do not know and do not know how to educate the way they would like. According to sociological research, new values ​​are fixed among that part of young people whose socialization occurred at the beginning of perestroika and the era of reforms. They were growing up in a new social reality, in a system of completely different value priorities, and therefore the qualities instilled in them in the process of early family education gave way to modernist ones in the hierarchy of values.

The values ​​of education inevitably influence the content of family education, which forms the basic culture of the individual in the totality of all its components. From the moment a child is born, the first place in the content of family education is occupied by his physical development and the creation of conditions for improving health. Preparing for school is a serious test for parents: it is necessary to monitor the child’s intellectual development, his imagination, the ability for symbolic substitution, the arbitrariness of mental processes, in particular memory, mastering speech, cultivating hard work, etc.

At all stages of family education, the formation of the child’s self-awareness, value attitude towards his own life, and the need for self-actualization is important. In the family, labor education takes place, mastery of household and family responsibilities, and the process of social and professional orientation takes place. Economic education is determined by family structure, attitude towards money, ways of earning and spending it. The child is taught to correlate his needs with the economic capabilities of the family. Aesthetic education begins with children's toys, the child's clothes, the interior of the room, and the aesthetics of the entire surrounding space. Moral and civic education, like any other, is based on imitation of adults.

We emphasize that family education, directly intersecting with school (kindergarten, university) education, is based on the principles of mutual trust, cooperation, mutual assistance and mutual support.

Fundamentals of family psychology and family counseling: a textbook Posysoev Nikolay Nikolaevich

1. Types of family education

1. Types of family education

The influence of the type of interaction between an adult and a child on the formation of the latter’s personality is widely discussed in the domestic literature. By now, a belief has formed that the type of parent-child relationships in the family is one of the main factors shaping the child’s character and the characteristics of his behavior. The most typical and obvious type of parent-child relationship manifests itself when raising a child.

In particular, a number of authors emphasize that disruption of the family education system, disharmony in the mother-child relationship is the main pathogenetic factor causing the occurrence of neuroses in children. For example, A.E. Lichko And E.G. Eidemiller identified six types of family education of children with accentuated character traits and with psychopathy.

Hypoprotection (hypoprotection ) is characterized by a lack of necessary care for the child (“hands do not reach the child”). With this type of relationship, the child is practically left to his own devices, feeling abandoned.

Dominant hyperprotection involves surrounding the child with excessive, intrusive care, completely blocking his independence and initiative. Hyperprotection can manifest itself in the form of parental dominance over the child, manifested in ignoring his real needs and strict control over the child’s behavior. (For example, a mother will accompany a teenager to school, despite his protests.) This type of relationship is called dominant hyperprotection. One of the options for hyperprotection is pandering hyperprotection, which manifests itself in the parents’ desire to satisfy all the needs and whims of the child, assigning him the role of a family idol.

Emotional rejection manifests itself in rejection of the child in all its manifestations. Rejection can manifest itself explicitly (for example, a child often hears from parents phrases like: “I’m tired of you, go away, don’t bother me”) and hidden - in the form of mockery, irony, ridicule.

Abusive relationships can manifest themselves explicitly: in the form of beatings - or hidden: in the form of emotional hostility and coldness. Increased moral responsibility is found in the requirement from the child to demonstrate high moral qualities with hope for his special future. Parents who adhere to this type of upbringing entrust the child with care and guardianship over other family members.

Improper upbringing can be considered as a factor that increases potential characterological disorders of the child. Under accentuation of character traditionally understood as excessive expression of individual character traits and their combinations, representing extreme variants of the norm. Accented characters are characterized by increased vulnerability to certain psycho-traumatic influences. The relationship between types of upbringing and the type of character accentuation being formed can be presented in the form of the following table.

Table 3 The relationship between types of upbringing and types of character accentuation

Continuation of the table. 3

End of table. 3

Over the past decade, specialists in the field of family psychology have identified various types of child-adult relationship types. So, for example, at work AND I. Varga Three types of parental relationships that are unfavorable for the child are described: symbiotic, authoritarian, and emotionally rejecting. The emotionally rejecting type (in contrast to the descriptions of E. Eidemiller and A. Lichko) is characterized by the researcher as the tendency of the parent to attribute sickness, weakness, and personal failure to the child. This type is called by the author “upbringing with an attitude towards the child as a little loser.”

In the study E.T. Sokolova The main styles of parent-child relationships were identified based on an analysis of the interaction between mother and child when jointly solving problems:

Cooperation;

Pseudo-collaboration;

Insulation;

Rivalry.

Cooperation presupposes a type of relationship in which the child’s needs are taken into account and he is given the right to “autonomy.” Help is provided in difficult situations that require the participation of an adult. Options for solving a particular problem situation that has arisen in the family are discussed together with the child, and his opinion is taken into account.

Pseudo-collaboration can be carried out in different ways, such as adult dominance, child dominance. Pseudo-collaboration is characterized by formal interaction accompanied by overt flattery. Pseudo-joint decisions are achieved through the hasty consent of one of the partners, who is afraid of the possible aggression of the other.

At isolation There is a complete lack of cooperation and unification of efforts, each other’s initiatives are rejected and ignored, the participants in the interaction do not hear or feel each other.

For style rivalry Competition is characteristic when defending one's own initiative and suppressing the partner's initiative.

The author emphasizes that only with cooperation, when both the adult’s and the child’s proposals are accepted when developing a joint decision, is there no ignoring of the partner. Therefore, this type of interaction encourages the child to be creative, forms a readiness for mutual acceptance, and gives a feeling of psychological safety.

According to IN AND. Garbuzova, There are three pathogenic types of upbringing.

Type A. Rejection(emotional rejection). The essence of this type is excessive demands, strict regulation and control. The child is not accepted as he is, they begin to remake him. This is done with the help of either very strict control, or lack of control, complete connivance. Rejection creates a neurotic conflict in the child. The parents themselves exhibit neurasthenia. It is dictated: “Become what I did not become.” Fathers very often blame others. The mother has very high tension, she strives to occupy a high position in society. Such parents do not like the “child” in their child; he irritates them with his “childishness”.

Type B. Hypersocializing education. It arises on the basis of alarming suspicion regarding the health, social status of the child and other family members. As a result, fears and social phobias may form, and there may be obsessions. A conflict arises between what is desired and what should be. Parents ascribe to the child what he should want. As a result, he develops a fear of his parents. Parents strive to suppress the manifestation of the natural foundations of temperament. With this type of upbringing, choleric children become pedantic, sanguine and phlegmatic children become anxious, and melancholic children become insensitive.

Type B. Egocentric education. It is observed in families where the child is in the position of an idol. The child is given the idea that he has self-sufficient value for others. As a result, the child has many complaints against the family and the world as a whole. Such upbringing can provoke a hysterical type of personality accentuation.

English psychotherapist D. Bowlby, studying the characteristics of children who grew up without parental care, he identified the following types of pathogenic upbringing.

One, both parents do not satisfy the child's needs for love or completely reject him.

A child is a means to resolve marital conflicts.

The threat to “stop loving” the child and the threat to “leave” the family are used as disciplinary measures.

The child is instilled with the idea that he will be the cause (or already is) of possible illnesses, divorces or deaths of family members.

There is no person around the child who can understand his experiences, who can replace the absent or “bad” parent.

From the book How to Treat Yourself and People, or Practical Psychology for Every Day author Kozlov Nikolay Ivanovich

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Family. Types of families.

Types and styles of family education.

The role of the family in the education and development of personality.

1. Family. Types of families

We find the first requirements for a person’s personality and behavior, as a result of family upbringing, already in the biblical commandments: do not steal, be respectful to your elders.

Family - a special intimate group, social association, community, whose members are connected by marriage or kinship ties, a community of everyday life, which carries out the reproduction of the population and the continuity of family generations, the socialization of children and support for the existence of family members who bear mutual moral responsibility.

Family education was based on the authority of parents, their deeds and actions, and family traditions. It is parents - the first educators - who have the strongest influence on children.

Depending on the number of children, families are:

Large families,

Small children,

Single children,

Childless.

By composition:

Same generation (spouses),

Two-generation (parents + children),

Intergenerational (parents + children + parents' parents).

Lately, single-parent families have become quite common.

It has been noted that the family circumstances in which children grew up leave an imprint on their entire life and even predetermine their fate.

The success of education largely depends on the unity and consistency of the educational influence of the family and educational institutions.

An effective stimulating factor in the development of students is the creation of a working atmosphere in the whole world. Children should make whatever contribution they can to creating the well-being of the family.

Parents must take into account the age and individual characteristics of their children and treat them (despite their age) with respect.

Forming proper relationships between children, children and adults is an important task for parents.

2.Types and styles of family education

How many families there are, so many characteristics of upbringing, and, nevertheless, it is possible to identify typical models of relationships between adults and children in families. The analysis is based on the modification of relationships as one of the fundamental characteristics of interpersonal relationships. Relationships are defined by the degree of tension and the consequences of negative influences on the upbringing of children.

Families that respect children. Children in such families are loved. Parents know what they are interested in and what worries them. They respect their opinions and experiences and try to help tactfully. Develop children's interests. These are the most prosperous for raising a family. The children there grow up happy, proactive, independent, and friendly. Parents and children experience a strong need for mutual communication. Their relationships are characterized by the general moral atmosphere of the family - decency, frankness, mutual trust, equality in relationships.

Responsive families. Relations between adults and children are normal, but there is a certain distance that parents and children try not to violate. Children know their place in the family and obey their parents. Parents themselves decide what their children need. Children grow up obedient, polite, friendly, but lack initiative. They often do not have their own opinions and are dependent on others. Parents delve into the concerns and interests of their children, and children share their problems with them. Outwardly, the relationship is prosperous, but some deep, intimate connections may be disrupted.

Material-oriented families. The main attention is paid to material well-being. Children in such families are taught from an early age to look at life pragmatically, to see their own benefit in everything. They are forced to study well, but for the sole purpose of entering a university. The spiritual world of parents and children is impoverished. Children's interests are not taken into account; only “profitable” initiative is encouraged. Children grow up early, although this cannot be called socialization in the full sense of the word. Relationships with parents that lack a spiritual foundation can develop unpredictably. Parents try to delve into the interests and concerns of their children. Children understand this. But most often they do not accept it. The point is that the high thoughts of parents in this case are often dashed by the low pedagogical culture of implementation. Dreaming and hoping to warn children from dangers, make them happy, and ensure their future, parents actually doom their pets to undue restrictions and even suffering.

Hostile families. Children in such families feel bad: disrespect for them, mistrust, surveillance, corporal punishment. Children grow up secretive, unfriendly, have a bad attitude towards their parents, do not get along with each other or with their peers, do not like school, and may leave the family. The mechanism of relations here is like this. The behavior and life aspirations of children cause conflicts in the family, and at the same time, the parents are right (most likely right). Situations of this kind are usually associated with the age characteristics of children, when they cannot yet appreciate the experience of their parents and their efforts for the benefit of the family. Parents’ justified disappointments are caused by one-sided hobbies of children to the detriment of studies, basic activities, and in some cases – with immoral actions.

It is important that parents in such situations strive to understand the motives of their children’s behavior and show sufficient respect for their reasons and arguments. After all, children, although they are wrong, are sincerely convinced that they are the ones who are right, that their parents do not want or are not able to understand them. Even though parents are right, it is useful for them to know that there are psychological barriers to communication: insufficient knowledge of each other by those communicating, unacceptable communication skills, mutual perception, differences in characters, opposing desires, negative emotions.

Antisocial families. These are more likely not families, but temporary shelters for children who were not expected here, are not loved, and are not accepted. Parents, as a rule, lead an immoral lifestyle: they conflict, threaten each other and their children, drink, steal, and fight. The influence of such families is extremely negative, in 30% of cases it leads to antisocial behavior. Children from such families are usually taken into state custody.

In modern practice of family education, there are quite clearly three styles (types) of relationships: authoritarian, democratic and permissive attitude of parents towards their children.

Threats, prodding, coercion are the main means of the authoritarian style. In children it causes a feeling of fear and insecurity. Psychologists say that this leads to internal resistance, which manifests itself externally in rudeness, deceit, and hypocrisy. Parental demands cause either protest and aggressiveness, or ordinary apathy and passivity.

Liberal style presupposes forgiveness and tolerance in relations with children.

The source of the liberal style is excessive parental love. Children grow up undisciplined and irresponsible. Permissive type of attitude A.S. Makarenko calls it “the authority of love.” Its essence lies in indulging the child, in the pursuit of child affection by showing excessive affection and permissiveness. In their desire to win a child, parents do not notice that they are raising an egoist, a hypocritical, calculating person who knows how to “play along” with people. This, one might say, is a socially dangerous way of relating to children.

Democratic style characterized by flexibility.

Parents, with a democratic style of communication, motivate their actions and demands, listen to the opinions of their children, respect their position, and develop independent judgment. As a result, children understand their parents better and grow up to be reasonably obedient, proactive, and with a developed sense of self-esteem. They see in parents an example of citizenship, hard work, honesty and the desire to raise children as they themselves are.