Despite the fact that loneliness is a chance to fulfill your cherished desires, to achieve perfection in what you have always liked, most women are still afraid of being left alone. They sincerely do not understand what is the reason for this state of affairs. Why is it that someone has been married for a long time, and they are beautiful, smart and interesting, but they still cannot meet their love.

Let's figure out how not to be alone

Look at yourself from the outside. What you see is most likely a concentrated facial expression, a woman completely immersed in her thoughts, whose seriousness immediately gives other people the impression that it is better not to approach her. Either she is already busy and so preoccupied with solving complex family issues that she no longer needs anyone, or she will reject any attempts at courtship.

You may think that you are not at all like that, but to be honest, our idea of ​​ourselves is often different from what others think of us. But don’t get upset or once again look for ways to improve. You are already perfection. So it's time to relax a little. Because men don’t really like having a girl next to them who makes them feel uncomfortable.

And you don’t need to immediately turn into a smiling lady who is ready to kiss the whole world. Our reluctance to constantly smile or look too closely at others is absolutely normal. There is nothing surprising. This is not always appropriate and that is how we were taught. The parents, and some even the grandmother, grew up at a time when it was considered indecent to show excessive signs of attention to the stronger sex, and even more so to approach them first.

In principle, this is still relevant, since the stronger sex itself wants to remain that way, and not turn from hunter to prey. And for many women it is generally taboo for them to express sympathy for a man. The only thing that will help you loosen up a little in this situation and not go against your view of the world is the art of flirting. It is he who will express your attitude in such a way that the man will not be involuntarily humiliated and will perceive the situation correctly, and will not treat him like a girl for one night, and the representative of the fair sex herself will not give up her principles.

No matter what anyone says, it’s not easy to turn from a lady into a girl who doesn’t cost anything to approach first. After all, our beliefs are the core that allows a person to understand who he is and what is acceptable for him and what causes discomfort. So learn to express interest with your eyes. And for this you don’t need to “shoot with your eyes”, it’s enough to evoke a smile in your soul and sincere interest in the person and your eyes themselves will say everything for you. A slight half-smile will not humiliate you in any way, but will set the right tone for the conversation if he decides to approach you.

Another reason for withdrawing and having a serious facial expression is a subconscious desire to protect ourselves from the pain that rejection or neglect can cause if the one we like does not reciprocate.

It doesn’t matter what caused the wary attitude towards others: negative experience, low self-esteem, lack of love from parents; often this actually protects against problems and negativity from people. And you need to fight not with experience or demand that your parents change their attitude, but exclusively with low self-esteem.

Self-love and respect, awareness of one’s worth and the right to be happy is the most important criterion for a woman to find her love. Anyone who has not learned to love himself is doomed to loneliness, even if he has someone. Having a loved one when you don’t love yourself is a rather rare occurrence, but even if you’re lucky, the person himself still doesn’t feel happy. He does not believe his happiness, does not believe that he is really loved, because he does not know why he can be loved.

Therefore, it is better to reduce your wary attitude towards people a little, and figure out whether you love yourself. Why are you so worried that you might end up alone? You don't believe in yourself or are simply afraid to be alone with yourself.

Also, you shouldn’t waste time and energy on someone who never called back or appears on the horizon once every five years. When a representative of the stronger sex experiences real attraction, he will find an opportunity to be close to you. Everything else is excuses, no matter how busy he is with his affairs and sounds too plausible. So remove from your life those who only waste time without offering anything in return. And your chances of not being left alone will immediately increase.

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Top 7 how not to be alone

Determine the qualities that your partner must have, and which you will not tolerate under any circumstances. This will allow you to clearly divide potential gentlemen into those who are worthy of your time, and those who are better to get rid of right away. At the same time, stop dreaming about a fairy-tale prince on a white horse. We are all human and ideal in our own way. That’s why it so rarely happens that we completely suit each other. And you need to come to terms with this if you don’t want to be left alone.

You have the right to refuse to communicate with those whose shortcomings are very serious for you and will really poison your life, but expecting that all your demands will be satisfied is quite dangerous. You may never live up to your “ideal”. We are all not without flaws.

But excessive haste to quickly find a permanent partner also does not lead to anything good. There is never any point in rushing, and even more so when looking for a groom. This will only lead to a lot of mistakes that can become fatal and bring only grief. Do not follow fashion and the demands of others. Don't try to be like everyone else. To each his own. And what seems to be happiness, in fact, may not at all please those who possess it, according to others. It’s rare that anyone talks about problems in their personal life without anyone criticizing or gloating. So don’t grab the first option that comes your way, and especially don’t put pressure on the person next to you. Otherwise, instead of a happy family life, you will be left alone or completely ruin everything.

There is no need to be afraid of loneliness - it is just a temporary state. It must be used for your benefit. And you don’t need to get rid of it with the help of a huge number of important and not so important things. Learning a foreign language, sports, achieving a cherished dream is wonderful. But leave time for yourself, your experiences and attempts to understand what you really want to get from life.

If you intensively fill the emptiness in your soul with everything that comes to mind, you will not have time for a new relationship. Loneliness gives you a chance to understand life, to understand whether you are going the right way and whether it’s time to change something, and does not threaten your existence. After all, we ourselves are the causes of this or that condition, and not those around us or those close to us.

You never know what happens in life, you never know what others say, it’s up to you to decide how to react and what to do. And if for some reason you listen to your beloved mother and miss the chance to arrange your personal life, although you dream of love day and night, then only you are to blame for this.

Nobody forces you to follow the instructions of even a person dear to you; you decide what to do and how to behave, not them. And when you realize that everything depends on you and a little on chance, you will immediately wonder whether you need to fight loneliness now and if “yes,” then how best to do it in your situation.

Listen to yourself. Don't you think that deep down you're not really interested in a relationship? Maybe you are much more comfortable at home, where your parents take care of you, or, conversely, you have so many plans that you are afraid that the presence of a young man can interfere with their implementation. Are you sure that you are ready to listen to the other person and compromise. Relationships are not only passion and pleasure, they are serious work on yourself. The need to take into account the interests of the chosen one. If you are not ready for this, then your time has not come yet.

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Love is the constant need of every person. No matter what anyone says, everyone wants to love and be loved. But very often, more and more beautiful women cannot improve their personal lives. Because there are many reasons that no one can influence and those that depend solely on ourselves. Therefore, if you really suffer from loneliness and no longer want to be alone and wait to meet a worthy companion, deal with those that are within your power. And life will definitely give you a long-awaited acquaintance. The main thing is to believe in it and not despair.

I express my gratitude and appreciation to my friend Liana, with whom we have not corresponded for a couple of years, and today we chatted for half a day in the messenger. Darling, you inspired me and I finally got off the ground in writing this article.

Loneliness... What associations does this word evoke for you? Some will say that this is long-awaited silence and a reason to be alone with oneself, but for others, loneliness is a difficult test, accompanied by fears and feelings of self-pity, and today I want to talk about the negative perception of loneliness. For those who dream of loneliness and don’t know how to carve out a moment of peace and quiet for themselves, I will write another article.

What is loneliness

So, what is loneliness and why did I say that there is some kind of “positive” and “negative” loneliness? In reality, of course, there is no positive loneliness - it is called solitude. Loneliness is a negatively charged term. Solitude is always positively colored, loneliness evokes negative emotions and associations, so I propose to immediately separate these concepts and not confuse them.

Let's return to loneliness. Is there a universal definition of loneliness?

Writer, psychotherapist and psychologist Vladimir Levi wrote: “Loneliness is a country full of contradictions, where everything clear and obvious is not the truth, but rather the opposite. If you don’t have a husband or wife, lover or mistress, this is not necessarily loneliness, and if you do, it’s not a guarantee against it. If there are no parents, brothers, sisters, if there are no children or there are - the same thing. If there are no friends - and this is not necessarily loneliness, although it seems, so what?”

Everyone puts something of their own into this concept. This may surprise some, for others it is obvious, but the fact remains: there are no objective signs of loneliness, everything is determined by your attitude. This leads to the conclusion: whether you are alone or not is up to you to decide; no external circumstances influence this. Outraged? I understand you, but I want to invite you to look at the situation differently: if loneliness is inside and not outside, then you can cope with it, you can manage your loneliness. Isn't this good news? If you agree with me and want to work with your loneliness, then I suggest you go looking for it. We have already decided that loneliness comes from within, but where exactly?

Getting to Know Loneliness

Let's do a little practical exercise. Take a piece of paper and a pen and write: I feel lonely when... (continue the phrase). There should be at least 10 such phrases. Better 20, 30 or even 50 (the deeper you intend to understand yourself, the more phrases). Stop and do this task right now... Yes, right now, fold the article, take a piece of paper and get started.

Ready? Why did we make this list? To understand how to work with your feeling of loneliness, you need to understand in what areas of life it hides.

What is it like, your loneliness?

Is it related to your actions? If there are such definitions on your list, count them and write them down on a separate piece of paper. For example, “my actions are 5.”

Maybe it has something to do with your appearance? We count such points and put a number. For example, “my appearance is 8.”

Is loneliness related to your feelings and emotions? We write down “my feelings and emotions - 13”

Maybe your loneliness is related to the actions and emotions of other people? "Other People's Actions - 15"

Maybe it is connected with philosophical, existential experiences (the meaning of life, who we are, where we are going)? We write down “philosophy - 4”.

If it seems to you that an item falls into several categories at once, count it as many times as necessary.

Now look at your numbers. In which area it is higher, that is the one you should pay most attention to. Start working in this direction, analyze what you can do. I will try to help you with this.

If the problem is in your actions, write down exactly what actions of yours repel people, work with those character traits that are associated with this.

A lonely person is immersed in sad thoughts and repeats them to himself like a spell (“nobody loves me,” “nobody needs me”) and the Universe obeys his order: “it will be done, master.” Those around you read this nonverbal message and react accordingly: no one wants to communicate with such a bore and whiner.

No one is born perfect - you can mold yourself into anything you want. Set a goal to improve your strengths and minimize your weaknesses.

If the problem is in appearance, everything can also be solved. The body can be changed in the same way, it is plastic. I'm not talking about plastic surgery now, I'm talking about sports, proper nutrition, working on your plasticity and posture. If you consider yourself unattractive, blame your appearance for it, and think that nothing can be done about it, then I highly recommend reading it, it will raise your morale!

Is it about your feelings and emotions? It is not only possible, but also necessary to work with this area, even if you do not have a problem with loneliness. After working through the key points that prevent you from living and breaking out of the shackles of loneliness, first of all it will become easier for you to live with yourself, which is an impressive prize in itself. And as a bonus, other people will be attracted to you.

Sometimes our character traits are the “culprits” of loneliness. Our touchiness, pride, inability to give in, admit our mistakes and wrongs can alienate people close to us. There is another side to the coin: excessive compliance, indulgence, importunity and attention to the point of persecution. Neither one nor the other benefits us.

You can now strike a pose and say: “Let them love me as I am, and if they left me because of my bad character, then let them go through the forest.” But think about who benefits from the fact that you are now in this position? Who suffers from this? You and only you. And think about this: there are more and more people on our planet every second. Let me first give you some statistics:

In one minute:

Communication and friendship are now more accessible than ever. Moreover, I am not afraid to call it a very competitive field. You are not one of two people on the island. If you are negative all the time, whine or behave inappropriately aggressively, take offense, and so on, they will find a replacement for you, and even the status of a relative does not save many from this fate. This is cruel, but if it makes you get off the couch and start working on yourself, I will be so cruel.

What to do if, according to the results of the mini test, your highest number is opposite the “actions of other people” area. We can’t change other people’s behavior, that’s a fact. But the fact is that you didn’t read the article carefully - loneliness comes from within and does not depend on external factors. No one makes you lonely except yourself, just like your happiness is only in your hands. I see this not as a reason to be upset, but as a reason to cheer up! A reason to take the initiative into your own hands! Just listen to this beautiful phrase: “Your loneliness depends only on you!” You have complete control over this situation! Yes, you will have to work on yourself, but is that bad? If you want to act, think about the scope of YOUR actions. What is the first thing you want to change about yourself to make it easier for you to live with yourself?

Let's look further. If you are overwhelmed by thoughts about loneliness in the context of the meaning of life, who we are and where we are going, this is also a solvable problem. This is a signal to you that you have lost your internal semantic compass. Having meaning in life is very important for a person; having life goals is necessary not only for mental health and balance, but also for physical health. This topic deserves a separate article and I will definitely write it. In the meantime, I can give you a hint that the meaning and answer to the question “from where and where are we going?” - everyone has their own, and the meaning of your life cannot be other people (for example, children).

Loneliness crisis

Loneliness for many is a crisis. But the question is not whether you are now in this crisis, but how you will overcome it. If the outcome of the crisis is favorable, a person, overcoming loneliness, gains new life experience and advances in personal growth. If the outcome of the crisis is unfavorable, a fixation occurs on inadequate ways to resolve the situation, for example, a psychosomatic illness may occur. Illness is a guaranteed way to end your loneliness, but ask yourself a question: Do you really want to encourage your loved ones and friends to communicate with you in this way?

Expectations and mistrust

What do we expect from solving the problem of loneliness? Understanding. Are you crying that no one understands you in this world and your motto is “we are all born alone and die the same way”? I want to offer you an alternative view of things: you did not take one thing into account - according to your logic, all people want to be understood, but do you dream of understanding others? Just don't lie to yourself!

We are so caught up in ourselves, our problems, suffering and self-pity that we forget that others also need attention. Let's say we are all alone in this world. Think about it, two loneliness will not be able to understand each other, because they need the same thing: to be listened to, understood, appreciated. Such people are not ready to listen, understand and appreciate another. Their “give/take” balance is disturbed. Would you like to be “friends with a greedy person”?

Another reason for loneliness is the inability to trust. Behind the distrust of the world and people lies fear: fear that we will be deceived, betrayed, offended, hurt, fear of life itself. In many ways, fear is determined by our past, our inability to forget, let go and forgive it. But sometimes we are afraid of things that we have not even experienced, but simply heard from others. We become hostage not only to our own negative experiences, but also to the negative thoughts of other people. I don't like the "hostage game", what about you?

Is loneliness your choice?

Let me make a small conclusion: loneliness is always the result of disharmony in interpersonal relationships. If it is comfortable, good and pleasant to communicate with you, no one will run away from you, no one will ignore you.

And finally, I have one last trump card up my sleeve, which can motivate you to take specific actions: the more a person experiences loneliness, the more disharmonious his relationships with people are, and vice versa, disharmony in relationships leads to the experience of an acute feeling of loneliness. Only you can break this vicious circle. How? This is what my entire article is dedicated to, but the main thing here is to start taking action!

The choice is always yours, stay single or solve this problem. There is no point in sitting and suffering, either understand yourself and accept that you really like and benefit from being single, or work with yourself, with your fears, character, dislikes and everything that prevents you from finding a soul mate. You are as lonely as you feel empty inside. Loneliness is an exclusively internal state and no one from outside can fill this emptiness.

Ksenia Golitsyna,
Practicing psychologist
2019

There is no simple recipe for how to become happy. But if you conduct a study of how we make ourselves unhappy, you can understand something about positive life. It is likely that we suffer failure after failure in our personal lives because we want to be happy too much. Uncompromising.

Once and for all. With guarantee

01. “Everyone is either married or fools”

“Firstly, there are basically fewer men than women. Secondly, those who represent something have been married for a long time. And those who are free by the age of forty are mama’s boys, or scary, or have not succeeded in anything. Don't believe me? Here is Petya. He is a PhD candidate. Let's say. But you saw him biting his nails and walking around in a jacket, which, it seems, he still had from his school uniform. Or Kostya. He is “looking for himself” - at 35 years old! I still haven’t found it - I won’t find it again. And Zakhar? Lives with his mother, pays child support... Victor is five years younger. This is not serious. Ostap does not have a higher education. What kind of job is it for a man to be a cook? I don’t know anything about that handsome guy, but it’s clear that men of this type don’t need a family. They are looking for a woman for one night. But I’m not like that.”

How it works

Our heroine devalues ​​her partners much earlier than she has time to notice them. Of course, it seems to her that she “sees right through everyone.” But in fact, she literally “curtains” people from herself with fictitious (or real) defects. Of course, a person may really not be suitable, but with this “strategy” everyone is rejected. An ideal lives in my head (a white horse is grazing nearby). The demands on yourself are also high. And there is no certainty that if the ideal does come across, she herself will suit him.

Why is this necessary?

To be sure to protect yourself from possible pain. Relationships are a risk. You can run into rejection and disappointment. Therefore, it is better to sterilize everything around in advance.

What to do

Think about what exactly scares you in a close relationship. What happens if you let a real, living person with advantages and disadvantages get closer? If you stop constantly evaluating both him and yourself? How about just trying to see someone else?

02. “I’m unlucky - I only fall in love with married people”

“So what if he’s married. It doesn't matter. This is my karma - it doesn’t work out any other way. The main thing is that we are together now. I don't care about his wife. It’s even better - I always have a holiday with him, and she has everyday life. Our relationships are devoid of everyday life, always fresh, there is fire in them. So what if yesterday in the supermarket I burst into tears when he started choosing breakfast cereal (it turned out to be home). And on New Year’s Day he and his wife... She’s a total bastard, she has a death grip on him! Men don’t run away from a normal woman!”

How it works

Like a fuse. You can fall in love, you can do anything - but just not get married, this option is taken. And then sigh: “Well, I’m not against marriage and kids. But everyone - as one - is married!

Why is this necessary?

To experience the whole gamut of emotions, to gain intimacy, but not to share responsibility for choice and long-term relationships with your partner.

What to do

Think about why family is so scary for you. Why do you need a man to be “a little bit different from you”? Maybe it's important to compete? Maybe jealousy, pain and all the other “emotional riches” that such relationships bring make you feel alive? For what reasons do you not allow yourself a “whole” man? Or, on the contrary, are you not ready to give yourself entirely? And one more thing: by choosing the role of a mistress, you play a certain role in the skewed family system of your lover, stabilizing it. Do you need it?

03. “Family is when people come together to ruin each other’s lives”

“I saw how wonderfully my parents lived for fifty years of marriage: my father drinks and pulls my mother’s hair, she calls the police - then she collapses at his feet. Thank you. No need. Well, let’s say that’s not the case for everyone. Do you know those who live just happily? That's it, all my friends are already divorced. Some got married again, some didn't. But everything repeats itself, everything in a circle. The first year nothing - and then scandals, betrayals, screams. Of course I don't want to be alone. But with someone who... who... I don’t even know.”

How it works

The scenario of our heroine's family life is a disaster. No exit. Everyone will die. Even if it’s good now, it doesn’t mean anything. She will find the first signs of a disaster very quickly - she didn’t take out the trash, forgot to call, that’s it! Already raised my voice! A self-fulfilling prophecy - our heroine herself will realize her scenario of a family disaster, each time receiving confirmation that a happy life is impossible.

Why is this necessary?

So as not to face a new experience that seems even worse than the usual nightmare. No matter how terrible the scenario is, it is familiar to the details, in it our heroine feels competent (victim).

What to do

Think about why conflict is so scary and how you could do it so as not to destroy yourself and others. Living together is not a parade on Red Square; anything can happen. If any deviation from the “ideal relationship” is interpreted as the beginning of a disaster, the mission will be impossible.

04. "I Know How This Ends"

“My previous husband, when we were getting divorced, even took the furniture out of the apartment, good thing - he didn’t tear off the wallpaper. And at first he was also so sweet, just like this one, he gave flowers... Then it turned out - not only to me. Well, I kicked him out. The child was divided through the court. The girl still stutters. The previous husband in the new family has already conceived a new child - what, how long will it take him? I saw their photos on Facebook, smiling... But our life is broken.”

How it works

Our heroine is not free at all - she still lives with her ex-husband. He finds out what is happening in his life, replays all his grievances in his head over and over again and “appoints” another, stranger, to play the role of husband (if he does not have time to escape). This can last forever, especially considering the daughter’s history - there is a high probability that when the mother retires, the daughter will pick up the banner and hang a portrait of the “scoundrel father” on all her gentlemen.

Why is this necessary?

So as not to live your own life and not take responsibility for what happens in this life. Since “it’s broken,” so much so that it can’t be fixed, what can be fixed?

What to do

Let go of your ex-husband, divorce him for real. If possible, forgive. Both him and yourself. It didn’t work out then, but that doesn’t mean that all of life is now concentrated in that “then.” Think about the meaning of this episode, draw conclusions and stop avoiding your own life with all its risks, hiding behind a “scoundrel husband.”

05. “I am ready to love only if they love me in return”

“I’m ready for a relationship - but just to be sure. I know how to be attentive, caring, interesting, gentle. What is wrong with me? Everything is more than fine. And in return I want someone just like me - caring, attentive, strong, smart... Ripe for a serious relationship, ready for a family. What's the point of falling in love if there are no guarantees? How long can you suffer? There have already been five attempts. Every time something went wrong. Now, if I agree to some kind of rapprochement, it will only be after the man convinces me that he has serious intentions and that he meets my expectations.”

How it works

To desire reciprocity is logical and correct. But bargaining and issuing ultimatums is hardly promising. For our heroine, what comes to the fore is not the person himself, but the role that he can play. Roughly speaking, not “I want to be with Petya or Vasya,” but “I want to be with my husband” (and it doesn’t matter who it is, as long as it’s the right size). A specific Vasya or Petya becomes a function. This is no longer about personal relationships, but about a mutually beneficial exchange: I give you attention, tenderness and beauty, and you give me care, a cure for loneliness and status.

Why is this necessary?

To avoid possible disappointment and pain.

What to do

Remember that relationships are risks. There are no guarantees. None. Especially at the stage when you fall in love. That is why the first stage of the relationship is the most reverent and acute, nothing is clear yet. You cannot get a husband without going through the stage of love and uncertainty, just as you cannot give birth to a child without going through the stage of conception. It is worth thinking about the fact that by refusing to take risks, we are in some sense refusing to live. (“If you don’t have an aunt...”)

06. “Well, I’m not going to go look for him on the street.”

"Yeah I do not mind! But in the kindergarten where I work there are only women. In macrame courses too. Of the two men I know, both are married. What, should I go outside to meet people? Or maybe give these humiliating advertisements? I believe that if it’s destined, then he will meet himself. If not, nothing good will come of it. True love is fate, it finds the person itself. And I’m just unhappy.”

How it works

It's very simple - fate doesn't stand a chance. Our heroine plays the game "Catch Me If You Can" - her social connections are so monotonous and meager that only the neighbor's cat can become her husband. She skillfully avoids those places where you can meet a free man; there are no such places in her world. Well, no, there is no trial.

Why is this necessary?

In order not to experience anxiety and not painfully decide “what should I do with this man now?” The backstories can be different - for example, a girl was raised by her grandmother and mother - without any fathers, and in principle there is no place for a male figure. Plus an idealized idea of ​​“true love.”

What to do

Go to public lectures and meetings, meet people, expand your social circle. Get carried away with something other than macrame. Consider whether there is actually something humiliating about being interested in other people.

07. “No one will love someone like me. And if he falls in love, I’ll still ruin everything.”

“It’s all my fault. They always leave me because I don't know how to build relationships. I don't know what's wrong with me, but the next guy will definitely leave me. Maybe I’m obsessive, maybe I’m too jealous and anxious, but I have reasons for this, because I’ve been abandoned so many times that I don’t trust people anymore. I really want love. But whoever loves me will have to prove it every minute.”

How it works

Low self-esteem plus high anxiety of this heroine kills all living things. As soon as someone decides to start a relationship with her, she begins to implement the scenario “I’m bad, everyone is leaving me, and you will leave me too.” The guy turns out to be guilty in advance, and the couple lives as if he had already decided to leave her, but has not yet confessed. Perhaps he is fighting, but the fight is unequal: such girls have a lot of experience and patience.

Why is this necessary?

To remain a victim - there are always many additional bonuses in this - and shift responsibility for the relationship to the partner.

What to do

Think about the fact that a girl is not a hamster that can be “started” and “abandoned.” Imagine that in a relationship you are not an object, but a subject, and decide how much you are willing to trust your partner. Without trust, it is impossible to build close relationships.

08. “He’s not bad, but I’m not sure that this is my option. Love is when you lose your head"

"He is a good man. Reliable. You can start a family with him. But... No, we feel good together... but nothing supernatural is happening between us... Well, there are sparks from the eyes, like once with Kolka in the eighth grade... So, not true love . Doesn't spark. Then again, I'm not too old yet. Maybe someone better will meet. And here I am - bam - already married.”

How it works

Our heroine, on the one hand, uses her partner, but on the other hand, she never chose him. Both girls and married. Such misrelationships result. And new ones don’t happen - the place is occupied. And these are not quite the same.

Why is this necessary?

To avoid making a choice. By choosing another as our partner, we thereby make him special. We separate ourselves from all others by purchasing. But we inevitably lose other options (at least for the period while we decide to be together).

What to do

Think about what is truly valuable in a relationship. “Sparks” is a hormonal storm. Intimacy and love are more about acceptance. If you want to shake all the time, you can ask advice from those who fall in love with married people.

09. “I want him to be a tough, sexy polar explorer who would sit at home with me around the clock and raise five children.”

“I am a bright personality and cannot fall in love with mediocrity. Oh, what an astronaut I was! Courageous, smart. But he flew into space, and left the repairs to me. What about an acrobat from a traveling circus? What wine we drank when I went on tour with him! But then the child was born, and he refused to change jobs. The sea captain was gentle and stern at the same time, but when it came to marriage, it turned out that he had two more wives - one in China, the other in Vladivostok. These guys are childish, you can’t build a family with people like that.”

How it works

This heroine has two mutually exclusive pictures in her head: a quiet home life and an adventurous heroic career. She does not fully accept any of the scenarios: an “ordinary” man is too boring, an “unusual” one does not perform everyday functions. As a result, there is none.

Why is this necessary?

Perhaps to make your life brighter due to the brightness of your partner. Status, the urgency of life, self-esteem - these are compelling arguments.

What to do

It’s not that this is fundamentally incompatible, but there are nuances: when choosing an astronaut, you need to be ready to do the repairs yourself. At least while he's in space. Or also be an astronaut and fly into space together. And if you’re not drawn to space, it’s worth answering the question: why is it necessary for your partner to be outstanding?

10. “I actually don’t think it’s that important. I didn’t really want to”

“I despise these stupid women who only want to get married. For what? I never understood this. If I need sex, I will always find it. If you need a friend, too. Moreover, I don’t get tired of my partners, there are always new impressions. And no one interferes in my life. I don't need to adapt to anyone, and no one needs to adapt to me. It seems to me that the family as an institution is archaic. Stone Age".

How it works

The very idea of ​​constant intimacy is devalued: I am alone not because I don’t know how (I’m afraid) to build deep and long-term relationships, but because it’s stupid and I don’t need it. In fact, maybe it is necessary, but the denial is so great that all the feelings that are associated with one’s own loneliness become inaccessible. You can “consume” people like fast food, replacing one with another so as not to feel hungry from a lack of love.

Why is this necessary?

In order not to face despair, fear, loneliness, anxiety, rejection, tension, excitement, embarrassment, delight, tenderness - and other feelings that accompany intimacy. After all, all this requires tension.

What to do

Think about why your “conscious choice” to be alone is accompanied by such aggression towards those who choose to be with someone. Why are they suddenly “fools, borscht cookers, sows” and so on. If the alternative point of view does not cause irritation, perhaps at this stage you really don’t really need anyone. Sometimes it happens.

• Back
• Forward

Loneliness is the most terrible epidemic of humanity, which can only be defeated by those who consciously choose it as a way of life. But, for the most part, a lonely person is unhappy. Therefore, we are looking for salvation from this blues, and without realizing it, we constantly ask ourselves the question: how to get rid of loneliness? We decided to think about this with you.

The problem of identifying a lonely person

Why are people so afraid of being alone? The thing is that the feeling of loneliness performs a regulatory function that helps maintain the required level of social contacts necessary for procreation, raising offspring and ensuring one’s existence. Therefore, by nature we cannot live without each other. Most often this is typical:

• For girls or men who have been searching for a partner for a long time.
• For elderly people who have lost their children, loved ones and can no longer find company among the younger generation.

Sometimes a person in such a state, having no feedback from society, falls into deep depression. This leads to the formation of a number of personal psychological characteristics in him:

• Low self-esteem.
• Poor communication skills.
• Low socialization.

And it becomes difficult for him to return. An important factor here is the individual’s understanding of loneliness. For a healthy person, it serves as a reason to work on oneself, to engage in self-improvement. This understanding of the problem is correct. In other cases, we can talk about psychological problems.

How to get rid of the feeling of loneliness?

So, how to conquer yourself and start living for your own benefit, regardless of who is nearby? Here are some tips:

1. Accept the situation as it is and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
2. Next, calmly figure out the reasons. Why is there no one to talk to? Maybe I'm to blame for this myself? Most likely so.
3. Get rid of idleness. A person feels sorry for himself when he has nothing to do. If you don't have a job you love, find one. If you have nothing to do at home, find a hobby or get a second job.
4. A great way to heal is to help others. There are many people who desperately need the help of another person. For example, frail old people and disabled people for whom no one cares.
5. Just learn to be happy: here, now, today.

There are a lot of lonely people. But most often people make themselves like this. Only by understanding this can you change the situation.

How can a woman live alone?

It's simple - no way. You don't need to live in it. Women remain single much less often than men. This is understandable, their children will always be with them, and then their grandchildren will appear. But still, women who consider themselves lonely can be found even among mothers and grandmothers. How to deal with this?

• You can find a friend at 30 or at 60. The main thing is desire and aspiration.
• Travel. A lonely girl is not burdened with anything. Find travel companions on the Internet and hit the road.
• Engage in self-development. It's also never too late to start. Remember your weaknesses, start filling them with knowledge, skills and abilities.
• Use social networks, find old acquaintances through them: classmates, classmates. Renew lost communication.
• Get an interesting part-time job for your soul. One that will take up your free time and give you pleasure.

Only your positive attitude towards yourself and others can correct the situation. Move forward and don't cut yourself any slack.

How to deal with loneliness?

This is the most common mistake - to resign yourself to the current situation. The priorities and concepts here are incorrect. We must learn not to resign ourselves, but to accept our position and draw conclusions that will push us to the right decisions.

These solutions should be something like this:

1. You need to find an environment that will accept you and where you will feel comfortable. To do this, we begin to actively attend festivals of interest and other public places.
2. Engage in psychotherapy yourself or call a psychologist for help.
3. Realize that you are not alone. Look around how many people there are who think like you. There are many of them, and many and loneliness are two opposite concepts.
4. Believe that no one will come suddenly. To have a loved one in your home, start working on it. Drive away all fears and complexes.
5. Learn to take advantage of it. Many people really want to be alone with themselves, but do not have the opportunity.

Modern loneliness is an independent choice and the only way. Nowadays it is very difficult to remain unintentionally lonely, and this is the opposite problem, especially for people living in big cities.

How to deal with loneliness?

You've probably already found your mistakes. Now we begin to correct them. For example:

• We lower the demands on the people around us and then they will immediately be drawn to you.
• Let's get rid of prejudices. No one wants to offend you, deceive you or humiliate you. The world is beautiful and there are more good people in it than bad. We begin to believe in it.
• We develop a sense of humor. We treat the situation with irony, and with good jokes towards our interlocutors.
• We get a pet at home, and at first it will raise your mood to the required level.
• Sport perfectly invigorates and strengthens the spirit.
• Engage in mutual relief from melancholy. Find similarly bored people on the forums.

If you feel unnecessary, the solution is simple - become necessary to yourself and those around you.

Positive and negative sides

Your position has its advantages:

1. In order to relieve stress from the crazy rhythm of modern life, it is useful to be sad with a mug of coffee. This will give you the opportunity to relieve tension and sort your thoughts into shelves.
2. Now you can understand, for example, your parents, whom you haven’t called for a long time. Make up for this omission immediately.
3. Your current position will teach you to be open to people without any self-interest. You will understand what it is like to appreciate those around you.

And the cons:

1. Severe, oppressive loneliness can lead to deep stress from which it is difficult to lift a person out of it. And these are health problems, sometimes serious.
2. A habitual way of life can kill all the strengths of a person’s personality: self-esteem will fall, a bunch of complexes will appear, and problems in socialization will appear. So don't delay.
3. You will lose interest in everything at all.

We draw conclusions: you can sometimes succumb to the blues, but not to despair.

So, this article is written to help you answer the question: how to get rid of loneliness? Exactly get rid of, and not reconcile. Then it’s up to you and what conclusions you have now drawn for yourself. We hope that if we didn’t convince you, we at least brightened up a boring evening.

Video: how to never be lonely?

In this video, Victoria Isaeva will tell you several reliable ways to help you get rid of loneliness and anxiety using NLP technology:

How not to be a lonely woman - women's online magazine “Pretty Women Life”

Loneliness is often interpreted as a lack of interest from others in a particular person. In fact, the cause of communication problems does not arise from the environment, but from the problematic object. A woman who is constantly busy with thoughts, has a tired appearance, has a narrow range of interests and does not take care of her appearance will, to put it mildly, be of little interest to the opposite sex. Changing yourself is not difficult. It is enough to identify the problem and get rid of it as soon as possible.

Appearance. To create a flawless image, a woman does not have to use a lot of cosmetics or visit expensive beauty salons. The main rules of ideal appearance are well-groomed hands, hair, and facial skin. Basic care is enough to maintain their health. You can pay attention to folk remedies. A woman with dirty, uncombed hair and problematic skin will not be interesting to men.

Figure and clothing. These two nuances are combined into one rule for a reason. A woman's figure can have different shapes. Thanks to the right wardrobe, you can hide your flaws and highlight your strengths. In this case, we do not mean expensive, but ideally fitting clothing. Excessive thinness is hidden by voluminous blouses or dresses. Curvy shapes can be hidden with a specially cut wardrobe. A flawless figure is universal.

Mood and energy. Everyone knows the expression “the life of the party.” Such people are always in the center of attention, others like them, everyone wants to communicate with them. A hidden, silent or embittered woman automatically “scares” men away from her. Of course, it is difficult to forget about some problems, but you can stop thinking about them with a simple exercise. When leaving home, you need to look in the mirror and try to convince yourself that you are the most beautiful, most successful, most chic woman in the world.

Interest in yourself. Everyone knows the statement that people treat a person the way he treats himself. If a woman diversifies her life with interesting events, exciting hobbies and other pleasant moments, then her interest in life will increase. The attention to her of those around her will increase at a rapid pace. You should not carry with you from year to year past relationships, their absence, fear of loneliness or thoughts of an unsuccessful fate.

The desire to get married and the fear of loneliness. Sometimes a woman becomes obsessed with thoughts of marriage or a panicky fear of never meeting her other half. You won't be able to get rid of a problem if you constantly think about it. Obsession can destroy dreams that almost came true. For example, if a woman meets a man and is looking forward to him proposing to her, then the lack of a hint of marriage makes her irritable. Anger can ruin a relationship, and the chosen one will not want to get married.