Family relationships are a whole world. They are very diverse - from harmony to eternal struggle. These are psychological games and manipulations, this is jealousy and forgiveness...

Family relationships are primarily marital relationships, parent-child relationships, and relationships with relatives.

Relationships with your spouse's parents

Happy marriage

How are all happy families alike? See→

Types of Marital Relationships

When marital relationships develop spontaneously, by themselves, they are, unfortunately, too diverse. See→

Marital relationships: how to build and maintain

How much and how you love each other is one conversation. Whether you live as a family and what kind of family is a different matter. And what kind of relationship you have with all this is completely about the third thing. So how to build and maintain strong and warm family relationships? See→

Marital relationships: how to influence each other

One way or another, close people always influence each other. The only question is what we consider permitted and what is not, and how to do this more competently. See→

Dynamics of Marital Relationships

What happens to relationships during family life? See→

How to become a good wife

Becoming a good wife is not difficult: you just need to learn it. Surely you already know how to do almost everything: be a housewife, Sunny, your husband’s friend and assistant. What is a good wife and how to learn it, see →

Evolutionary origins of sex differences in mate preference

Evolutionary psychology serves as a powerful theoretical tool in identifying the similarities and differences between men and women. This logically follows from an understanding of the problems of adaptation, i.e., survival and reproduction, which both sexes have faced during the long history of human development. See→

The influence of social learning and social roles on mate choice.

A man's attraction to a woman, as a rule, is largely determined by her external attractiveness. Women also like attractive men, but on average, appearance is less important to them (Feingold, 1990). Women are more likely to take other characteristics of men into account in their attractions, such as success. Additionally, men prefer women who are younger than themselves, while women prefer men who are slightly older than themselves. What is the reason for these differences?

And close people, no one can be more important than them. Therefore, relationships in the family play a huge, primary role in the mental development and well-being of each of its members.

Conventionally, psychologists divide families into prosperous and dysfunctional, constantly correcting themselves: each family has its own problems. To reduce problems to a minimum, to change the state of things in your home, you need basic basic knowledge about family psychology and the desire to create a favorable environment in which everyone could develop along a path determined by nature, without interference and serious disorders, complexes, erroneous ideas about the world, about yourself and others.

1. Don't turn a blind eye to rudeness, put each other in your place. And if this is impossible (we mean socially dangerous cases, for example, in the case of an alcoholic husband), reduce communication with this family member to a minimum.
2. Learn to negotiate. By talking through the problem, we make it clear to our partner, child, or parent that we are ready to discuss solutions and come to a compromise. This is how respect for each other is shown, without which normal relationships in the family are impossible.
3. Encourage mutual assistance, responsiveness, and the desire to spend leisure time together in every possible way (you better know who likes what, what you can do for everyone - this information is worth using). It is especially important to follow this rule in order to build relationships between children in the family. If you have several of them, emphasize that they are brother and sister (brothers or sisters), that they will never have anyone closer and dearer. Repeat this constantly, children are very receptive to what their parents say. Over the years you will see confirmation of this; your efforts and attention will not be in vain.
4. How you spend your leisure time, by the way, is very important. Separately? Okay, but you should also have something in common, both as spouses and as parents with children. A trip to the park, a pizzeria, shops, walks - all these important little things will bring you together like never before.
5. Availability is also important. If there are none, it’s time to invent them. Traditions unite us, strengthen the union between husband and wife and the connection with children (this measure is especially important and relevant for teenagers). A trip to your grandparents, your own holiday, cooking your favorite dish together, decorating the New Year tree - it can be anything. If only the traditions were respected by everyone. They are not observed, it’s time to come up with others.
6. Relationships in the family are based mainly on the roles and responsibilities distributed between you. The roles in your family are already established. Dad is the breadwinner or spiritual leader. Mom is a housewife or businesswoman. But in the case of responsibilities, everything is more complicated. Everyone should work on comfort. Write it down once, agree on who is responsible for what, and you will deprive the family of the most common reason for quarrels.
7. Maintain love: in your relationships with your spouse and children. She doesn’t disappear anywhere, no matter what they say about it. If there is respect, understanding and loyalty in the family, there will be love. This means that your bonds cannot be broken by random circumstances and even by misfortunes. You are together and you are strong. For this reason, it is worth being attentive to each other! Never forget to spend time communicating with your child and partner, especially with your parents (they need us as much as we need them, no matter how much time has passed since our birth).

Relationships in the family require your constant participation, no matter what role you occupy in it. Do not take each other for granted and eternal. As soon as you allow such an attitude towards your loved ones, the family will begin to collapse. Think about what you can do for your loved ones from this list.

The world of relationships between spouses is invisible, but extremely complex. It has features, laws and rules. Family relationships are based on the union of unique and inimitable people. Therefore, every married couple is different from the other. Representatives of each psychological school never tire of studying these relationships, drawing interesting conclusions, and identifying levels and types of relationships. But what they are unanimous about is that in the relationship between husband and wife, everything is interconnected. Family happiness depends on them.

Theater of Family Life

The concept of “social role” comes from social psychology. Its essence lies in the fact that we constantly play one or another role depending on the conditions: either we are pedestrians or passengers, then buyers or clients of some institution, and so on. We constantly wear masks that correspond to our chosen roles.

Family is no exception. This is a real theater where various performances from comedies to the most difficult tragedies are performed. Husband and wife are the main actors of the family theater. In communication, everything is important: glances, every phrase, the intonation with which words are pronounced, what gestures all this is accompanied by.

In social psychology there are concepts of proscenium and backstage, as in the theater. On the front stage, we act out good family relationships in front of strangers, especially when we want to make a favorable impression. Showdowns often take place behind the scenes of the family theater. A very important point follows from this - the expectation of one of the spouses for one or another role to be played by the other. We begin to learn these roles from childhood in our parental families. Then we transfer them to new families as an inheritance. The husband expects his wife to be like his mother, and the wife reproaches her husband for not being as skilled as her father. We learn to be wives and husbands from our parents, we learn their patterns of behavior. Therefore, the relationship of spouses is often similar to the relationship of their parents.

The burden of marital roles is heavy. Expectations often don't match reality. Disappointments hurt. Often this is where it lies. The wife's (husband's) desire to be herself should be respected. However, based on the experience of your parents’ relationship, you should draw your own personal conclusion and go through life on a new path, without repeating their mistakes. Build relationships that are qualitatively different, move to a higher level.

Types of relationships

The relationship between husband and wife, while significantly different from any other, at the same time has much in common.

The emotional relationship between husband and wife is very important, but it does not involve any contract. You can promise to love all your life, but where is the guarantee that this will be fulfilled? What if love disappears in a year? Is it possible to force yourself to love and for how long? In such a situation, you are more likely to hate than to love. Thus, any contracts at the level of emotional relationships can cause feelings of guilt or resentment.

Emotional Relationships between spouses are subject to changes: they may intensify, or they may disappear. Why is this happening to our relationships? Perhaps as a result of the action of two laws - interiorization and rhythm.

Interiorization is the process of moving into the depths of our consciousness of mental phenomena, including feelings. So you watched the film and you really liked it. How many times can you watch it? How many times can you reread a book you like? How long can you listen to a beautiful melody? Sooner or later, satiety sets in and you get carried away with something else. Similarly, a similar metamorphosis occurs with feelings: addiction sets in, their severity becomes less, their brightness dims. Love no longer excites as before, but glimmers in the depths of consciousness. Or did she die unnoticed? Anything can happen with feelings. Sometimes you need to go through serious trials to understand that love for this person lives in your soul.

Law of Rhythm

Scientists say: man is a child of nature. Everything in nature exists in a certain rhythm. The law of rhythm manifests itself in the emotional relationship between husband and wife. Even very happy families experience periodic changes in the five positive and negative phases of relationships. This is what the famous sociologist V. Zatsepin says. Why are they interesting?

On first phase relationships, deep love manifests itself, at this time all our thoughts are about our partner. Just the memory evokes a storm of tender feelings. However, Mother Nature does not allow us to remain in this state for a long time. Accustoming and slight cooling sets in. We come down from heaven to earth.

In second phase In the relationship between husband and wife, the image of the beloved (beloved) emerges less frequently. We begin to remember our mistakes more often, and not entirely pleasant feelings towards him appear. Oh, he didn’t clean it up, and she didn’t add salt to the soup and so on. The complaints are still small and insignificant. But as soon as he (she) appears, feelings flare up again.

Third phase brings further cooling of relations between spouses. A feeling of monotony and boredom appears. Fatigue sets in from communicating now with a former loved one. The negative aspects of the characters come to the fore (as if they did not exist before). Here are the first unpleasant bells: quarrels over trifles. The charm of the image of a loved one is lost. Oh love, where are you? And it’s not easy to return the feeling with flowers, caresses and gifts. What to do? How to return love?

Perhaps these tips will help improve your relationship with your husband (wife):

• show care, patience and understanding;
• reduce the intensity of communication: give your husband (wife) a rest;
• change yourself, bring newness to your appearance. Surprise your partner with new sides of your personality.

But if the spouses have not done anything for, the next phase begins. A negative attitude completely takes over their consciousness. Whatever he (she) does is bad. We look at everything through dark glasses. In all current and past actions we look for and find only malicious intent. Well, how did I manage to marry her? And why did I marry him?

And now comes the fifth phase of the relationship between husband and wife. The consciousness is completely occupied with him (her) and the desire to express everything that is boiling in the soul. Everything is bad. A conflict arises. Occasion? Yes, anyone! Just to throw everything you think in your face! Well, they said something, got offended, stopped all communication and relationships (both emotional and sexual). For how long? And for some it’s different: for some, a few days are enough, while others rest for weeks or even months. They took a break from each other, and again the relationship between the spouses returned to the first stage. And everything repeats itself: passionate love, cooling of feelings, dissatisfaction with relationships, and so on.

How often does a person go through these stages of feelings? The rhythm of each person's emotional life is individual. Some go through these five stages in four months, others in six or five. More often than not, they do not match between spouses. And this is good: when one is “strange”, the other can show maximum understanding, condescension and patience, and then the severity of tension in the relationship decreases. But it is very bad when the turnover of these phases of spouses coincides in time. In a short period of time, they manage to “torment” their relationship and kill love.

This is how many complexities and subtleties need to be taken into account in building harmonious relationships. We all strive for a happy family life, but we are too lazy to work. It is important to acquire your own personal relationship experience over the years, preserve it and pass it on to your children. Remember and appreciate each other. Conflicts and quarrels happen in every family, but they happen in different ways. This is why we are adults, to learn to control our anger and remember what is of true value to us. On the other hand, if it weren’t for all this diversity and complexity in the relationship between a man and a woman, life would be terribly bland. After all, only after tasting the bitter will we understand what the sweet is. We must constantly work on relationships, so that the guest in the family is often love and passion, so that the psychological climate in the family is favorable, and the psychological compatibility of the spouses strengthens over the years. Remember, a happy relationship between husband and wife is the ability to endure, forgive insults, show tenderness, love, and have common interests.

The main wish for the newlyweds at the wedding is to preserve love until old age. Research by psychologists and sociologists confirms that in love people live longer and happier, they become successful. For what reason do families collapse and more than 50% of married couples get divorced? Why is the divorce rate increasing? Why do couples choose to live in a civil marriage? Let's figure it out.

What is family?

The term “family” is the subject of study in many sciences. Each considers the family as a small group of society and gives a clear definition.

• Sociology. Science examines family relationships within one genus.
• Jurisprudence. Science studies. At the legislative level, the term “clan and family” is interpreted as follows - a group of people between whom a strong everyday and moral connection has been established.
• . Representatives of this science highlight the importance of family relationships. and family relationships is based on the continuity of relationships between generations.
• Story. Even historians have their own vision and interpretation of the family. According to experts, clan and family are a single whole and a social unit is a group of people who have a common ancestor.

This is important! In general, family and family relationships are a part of society, connected by common life and moral relations, which are formalized at the legislative level.

How to prepare for family life

When newlyweds plunge headlong into pre-wedding preparations, they forget about the main thing - the peculiarities of emotional relationships in marriage. Harmonious family relationships, no matter how trivial it may sound, are hard work. The right decision would be to contact a psychologist and undergo a diagnosis that will determine their readiness for marriage and family.

The specialist suggests answering several questions:

• “How did you prepare for family life?”;
• “What kind of family do you see?”;
• “marriage culture – how do you understand it?”

The most important question is “Why do you need marriage and family?”

It often happens that the bride and groom see completely different possibilities in marriage. In the future, different expectations will inevitably lead to . If newlyweds find it difficult to answer the psychologist’s questions, the best solution is to postpone marriage and better understand their own feelings and understand what it is and how to create a favorable psychological climate.

This is important! For a favorable psychological climate in the future, it is necessary to make sure that the bride and groom have the same life values. Of course, as an adult, finding someone with similar values ​​is important, so it is important to understand your chosen one before marriage and respect his goals, aspirations and decisions.

Relationship problems in a young family

Love is giving yourself to another

First of all, let's look at the real situation. What are the types of relationships in marriage? Spouses are guided by the “I want” principle. In this case, everyone acts as he pleases and wants. If the spouses in a family do not trust each other, do not support and do not strive, such a marriage will not last long and will inevitably fall apart.

There are relationships in the family when spouses are guided by the word “should.” This approach is also wrong, since family life turns into the fulfillment of duty, discontent and irritation inevitably grow, and there is no talk of romance and love in such an atmosphere.

Is there a solution to the problem? Of course, there are happy married couples. What quality do these couples have that can preserve their feelings for many years? Difference in feelings between spouses. If we are talking about falling in love, this is life for yourself. And love is the desire to give, to make a person truly happy. In this case, the two concepts of “want” and “should” are intertwined and create a happy family union.

Virtues and vices in the family

The family is a reflection of the unity of the Holy Trinity, where spouses maintain their identities and create a union of unity. What kind of relationship can there be in marriage when the relationship is not based on love, when the spouses do not complement each other? Of course, such a family has no future. The origin of moral relations begins with the appearance of vices and the inability to overcome them.

Three main vices in marriage:

• vanity;
• selfishness;
• voluptuousness.

Vanity

It's about selfishness. It is vanity that is the source of corruption and blinds the mind. As a result, the family is not just destroyed, a person makes mistakes, addictions appear, and as a result, instead of real life, there is only an illusory world based on selfishness and fantasies.

In a family, the problem of vanity can be solved through humility and condescension. Humility is an integral part of a strong marriage. Forbearance is a feeling that unites all family members and helps strengthen and develop a marriage.

Selfishness

The cult of one’s own personality and one’s own “I” destroys human connections and prevents normal communication. It is selfishness - . Putting your own personality and peace of mind above all else will inevitably lead to divorce. Selfishness leads to cruelty and insensitivity, and the family suffers from this.

The solution to the problem is love. It is love that revives the personality and heals the soul.

Voluptuousness

In this case, the person sees pleasure as the main thing. Vice represents a refusal to work, a refusal to endure difficulties and solve problems. Voluptuousness devalues ​​personality; a person is deprived of the opportunity to communicate with other people. As a result, the vice causes irreparable harm to the family.

The only solution to the problem is hard work.

The source of moral relations lies in the desire and ability to overcome difficulties, work, and lead a moderate lifestyle.

What destroys a family and how to resist it?

Inability to listen to each other and find a compromise

Any problem can be solved if you talk calmly. If you consciously avoid a problem or try to solve it on your own, this will only complicate your life situation, lies will inevitably begin, and negativity will accumulate.

Important! Openly express your dissatisfaction, voice what causes discomfort.

Selfishness

In a family, you have to put up with your partner’s interests, temperament, and habits. Failure to accept a person completely is a manifestation of selfishness.

Important! Don't get angry, negotiate with your partner, look for compromises.

Fight for first place

The family pedestal often destroys families, since each spouse wants to gain a foothold in first place and try on the crown. As a result, quarrels begin in the family and grievances accumulate.

Important! Remember, family is not a jungle or a boxing ring. There is no need to defend your position here. Family is a place where a person is charged with positive emotions.

Claims, criticism

If you constantly criticize and make claims to a person, he will lose faith in himself, become aggressive and withdrawn. , because inevitably a person will begin to seek solace on the side.

Important! Support and understanding give a person unlimited strength, help him develop and move forward.

Jealousy

In small quantities it is charm, but jealousy in large quantities is unacceptable in marriage. What kinds of relationships exist in marriage where jealousy overshadows common sense? The feeling can develop into a painful addiction, when you can no longer cope without the help of a psychologist.

Important! Show wisdom, patience and attention. This will help keep the love alive.

Relationships with parents

Quite often, the styles of family relationships between adult children and parents can hardly be called ideal. There are enough reasons for this.

Complaints from parents:

• we hoped you would be different;
• the effort and money invested in you did not pay off;
• we wanted to be proud of you;
• We were waiting for you to share our holidays and difficulties.

Children's claims:

• We have a personal life and there is no need to interfere in it;
• There are many unpleasant moments associated with parents;
• relationships with parents do not allow you to relax;
• parents do not share the interests of their children.

This is important! The problem between parents and children lies in the twisted position of the two sides. The dysfunctional position of parents is as follows: the child must understand by gestures and facial expressions what the parent is thinking, but at the same time be an adult. Twisted position of a child - I am afraid to be alone, but I want to be responsible for my own

Be forgiving and listen to each other. Try to provide all possible assistance without demanding anything in return. Please be patient and understanding. In any situation, support. Children must remember that they cannot demand from their parents what they did not receive. Parents, in turn, must understand that it is no longer possible to re-educate their children.

Secrets of a happy family

In fact, it is impossible to define a universal one because every relationship is unique. However, psychologists identify several universal recommendations that will help save the family and strengthen it.

Be tolerant

Of course, spouses cannot be unanimous on all issues, since two people cannot be exact reflections of each other. The task of each spouse is to accept the point of view of their partner, to love him as he is, with all his oddities.

Important! Remember, every person has merits for which his shortcomings can be forgiven.

Distinguish the important from the unimportant

It is necessary to understand which issues require debate, and which situation can be smoothed out and not heat up the atmosphere in the house. The main thing is to maintain good relations between the spouses and harmony in the family, mutual respect.

Give in, look for a compromise

Remember that stubbornness will never lead to harmony and peace in the family. Be guided by a wise saying - giving in does not mean losing. By giving in, a person gains much more - he strengthens his family.

Talk

Communication is an important part of family life, the best way to exchange information. Every conversation is an exchange of energy, the ability to share feelings and problems, and the ability to empathize.

Important! Two loving people will always find something to talk about; when the topics for conversation are exhausted, most likely, something needs to be changed in family life.

Be silent together

Two loving people are always comfortable in silence. There are days when spouses say no more than a few phrases to each other. Silence should not cause awkwardness and a feeling of boredom. If two people love each other, there is an energy field between them, thanks to which mutual understanding arises.

Earn and spend together

They have always been and will be a source of problems and quarrels in family life. Loving spouses distribute their finances calmly and peacefully, and it does not matter at all who is the main breadwinner in the family. In modern society, the one who does it better.

Important! Money should not become a subject of contention and quarrels; it is only a tool for organizing everyday life.

Your spouse is your best friend

According to psychologists, the basis of happy family relationships is friendship, while intimate connection and romance are not a hindrance to friendship, but an addition.

Make comments, but delicately

Happy spouses are real diplomats who know how to make a remark so subtly that their partner will easily take the phrase into account and will not regard it as a complaint.

Enjoy intimacy

Learn to truly enjoy intimacy with your partner. Discuss the topic of sex so that it does not become routine and boring.

Make plans and dream

Joint plans indicate that the spouses are ready to spend many years together. When a husband and wife discuss even minor plans, it is a sign that they trust each other and want to be together.

Important! If loving spouses have to separate for a short time, this only strengthens their relationship. But try to plan your vacation together.

Resume

Remember, in a happy family, partners talk to each other about various topics, express dissatisfaction, make plans, discuss sex and relationships with parents. This is called codependents in the family. It is important not to isolate yourself from your partner’s problems, but to try to solve them together. Psychologists suggest learning to conflict less. Start with one day a week when you will not quarrel and sort things out. Gradually increase the number of “conflict-free” days and very soon this pattern of behavior will become habitual.

What a psychologist says about family relationships - watch the video.

Family is support and support for every person. Thanks to her, she creates a feeling of her own importance in the world.

What kind of family relationships can there be: the characteristics of the species will be discussed in this article. Let's talk about the modern family.

There are often cases when family relationships become the cause of internal discomfort. In this case, a person, having matured, tries to break free, break all connections. Factors influencing the well-being of a married couple:

• level of upbringing, education;
• moral beliefs, principles;
• life guidelines, etc.

A comfortable existence is the goal of any person. Family helps you grow, be in harmony with yourself, and make your own home a fortress and protection from trouble. What exactly it will become and how long the marriage will last will depend entirely on the spouses.

Traditional

This is the most harmonious and comfortable form of relationship. It is distinguished by its stability. Such a family is filled with love, respect, mutual support and understanding.

Conflict situations are resolved in a calm manner, everyone’s opinions and desires are taken into account. Children who grew up in a full-fledged family with a positive example of the culture of communication and behavior of their parents, on a subconscious level, show a similar attitude towards their own.

Statistically, this idealized form of relationship is rarely established. Mostly mixed species are found.

Parent-child

Such relationships occur in families where one spouse is older than the other. In this case, care and guardianship are shown towards the “younger”, and educational moments are present. The described unions are more often observed in couples where the spouse is an adult, wealthy, or, on the contrary, young and infantile, and the other half is an adult woman.

Relationships can last a long time. The destruction of such a union occurs during the period of growing up of the spouse-child. In this case, dominance causes irritation, hostility and rejection. Relationships exhaust themselves and collapse. Attempts to improve them do not lead to success.

Tyranny

In married couples of this type, the personality of one spouse dominates - the tyrant. As a rule, this is a rude, domineering person who takes a dominant role in relation to close and dear people.

He comprehensively controls the lives of others, subjugates their will to himself, and establishes an authoritarian regime. The opinion of household members in this way of life is not taken into account. Financial expenses for the provision and needs of family members are strictly controlled. Often the tyrant uses assault. The lifespan of a relationship depends on many factors.

A divided family

Outwardly, such couples create the impression of a harmonious, happy union. Each spouse lives his own life, has his own interests and goals.

They live in a “guest” and “civil” marriage. Spouses can live happily for a long time away from each other, in different cities.

Such unions have existed for quite a long time. The gap may be due to a number of factors:

• change in worldview;
• reconsidering attitudes towards marriage;
• inability to find understanding on the part of the second spouse.

The above reasons lead to a cooling of relationships, alienate people from each other, and lead to a dead end.

Friendly

Mutual understanding and support in such relationships are close to a traditional family. Spouses have common goals and objectives, but there is no strong physical affection. The family is destroyed when one of the spouses finds a suitable sexual partner who is close to him and causes an emotional explosion in his soul.

"Fireworks"

Such a family is created by emotional, temperamental individuals who do not want to make concessions and do not know how to negotiate among themselves. The showdown takes place in public. Quarrels are violent. However, after the outburst of negative energy, the couple continues to live happily until the next quarrel. According to surveys by sociologists, couples consider their union happy and do not experience discomfort from living together. Such families can live a long life in harmony.

Impact on children

The family in which a child grows up leaves an imprint on his mental development. Children who grow up in love, affection, when their interests are taken into account and are not neglected, grow up with normal self-esteem, balanced, calm, with a certain reserve of warmth and kindness in their souls, which they subsequently extend to their family.

An imbalance in parental relationships sharply worsens the child’s internal harmony and causes irreparable harm to development (moral, intellectual, etc.).

Children's fragile psyche is distorted under the influence of unhealthy parental relationships in the family. Tyranny leads to the development of sadistic tendencies in a child, blurring the boundaries of what is permitted, and causing physical and mental harm to others. Such children are more withdrawn and have a harder time adapting to society.

Family is the key to a person’s success. His future depends on what it will be like. Show respect to each other, create a mutually comfortable living environment, love your other half and children.