Very often, children react to a loss with violent emotions - tears, screams, throw tantrums and completely lose interest in what they did not succeed. If you do not try to change the situation, then as you grow older, the reaction to loss will become more and more intense. And it will look ugly, for example, when a sixteen-year-old child throws a tantrum over any refusal from his parents.

Why do children always want to be first?

From early childhood, we instill in our children the attitude that being first is most important. “Who will be the first to bed?”, “Who will eat the porridge first?” etc. There's nothing wrong with that. And the desire to win is an important quality that helps you achieve success in life. But we do not teach the child to lose... We give in to the game, the child wins in all competitions with dad or mom. But when a child gets into a children's group, he receives serious disappointment: some children run faster, eat, and build higher towers. Therefore, it is important for us, parents, to teach our child to experience defeat.

6 tips for parents on how to teach their child to lose

1. Allow your child to face negative experiences. First of all, we should allow the child to make mistakes. Let him face the consequences of his actions (of course, if they do not affect the life and health of the child and others).
2. You shouldn’t demand to always be the best in everything. It is important to notice your child’s inclinations and characteristics and highlight them, praise them, encourage them, and support them. If a child is constantly encouraged to get first place, any failure will be very difficult for him to bear.
3. Praise your child for his efforts and success. Cultivate hard work and perseverance. This will be more useful in life than simple, unsupported ambitions to be the first. Don't deceive your child. If you don’t like his drawing, don’t exclaim: “Oh! How beautiful!” Better tell the truth: “I like how you tried, how you chose the colors. But I know that you can draw more accurately.”
4. Monitor your reactions to your child’s mistakes and defeats. Contain your disappointment. Support your child and show that what matters is that he tried to win and put in a lot of effort. First, accept the emotions, show that crying and being upset by defeat is quite normal. And when the emotions subside, talk about the loss and its reasons. Maybe you should take a different approach to your studies or just train more, or maybe this is not the direction in which you need to achieve victories.
5. You should not laugh at a loss, the child will not understand such support and will think that they are laughing at him.
6. Also, do not scold your child or be offended by him. For you these are just words, but for him they are a tragedy. Teach your child to be happy for the winner. After all, others will rejoice if he wins. And the most important thing that a child must understand is that competitions and games are interesting because no one knows who will be the winner.

Yes, yes, there’s nothing wrong with your eyes, you read that right.” lose”.

- For what?! – you can shrug your shoulders in confusion . – So that I teach my child to give up his positions? Being left behind? A loser?! Second when he should be first in everything, the best? Well, no!

You've probably paid attention to the passion with which children strive to be first and leading in games? How sadly they worry about their failures and mistakes. How fists clench and lips twitch when victory goes to an opponent.

And this is just in a simple game... But in life?

One day my daughter and I were playing lotto. This is a simple game with simple rules: whoever covers all the pictures with chips on his card the fastest is the winner.

My daughter enthusiastically got involved in the process. Won! Satisfied, she offered to play again. Won again! Then I wondered what her reaction would be if I was the first to cover all the pictures with chips. The result was stunning. The daughter's tears flowed like hail.

A similar incident came to mind.

In kindergarten, my daughter has a kind of competition with one boy a little older (a group of different ages from 3 years to 6). Whoever gets dressed to go home first is the first!

And I watched them.

One evening I came to pick up my daughter from kindergarten (it was winter) and my mother came to pick up this boy and called her son from the group. He rushed to the locker, near which my daughter was already standing, hastily grabbed his clothes and rushed to the high chair to get dressed.

My daughter also runs to her place to get dressed faster in order to get ahead of him.

While they were getting dressed, they looked at each other and shouted angrily: “I’ll be first!”, “No, you’re last!” I'm the first!

As a result, that boy got dressed faster than his daughter, looked at her victoriously: “You are the last, ha-ha!”, waved his hand to the teacher and disappeared through the door with a smile.

Mine was ready to burst into tears.

This bothered me. I thought about it. What is each of them experiencing? Anger that your opponent dresses faster? The disappointment of being second? The desire to prove to another that I am the best, and he is “last, worst of all”?

And is this a good incentive to move faster and get dressed, keeping up with others? Complete your study task or work faster and better than others?

In this case, with such bitter thoughts and a convulsive feeling, being “last” is not a good incentive for preschool children...

Here, self-esteem suffers greatly, which is initially high in preschoolers (provided that the psychological climate in the family is good, the child is loved and cared for). What happens if self-esteem drops? Right. The child develops self-doubt, fear of doing something new, growing alienation from peers (“I won’t succeed, I’m not as successful as them”) and many other side effects.

If a negative reaction from parents is added to this: “Oh, you couldn’t make it in time? Such a mess” or “I knew you couldn’t do it - you have to think!”…. That's all..., as they say, screwed! It will take a long time for the child to get out of the pit of contrived inferiority.

Obviously, It is necessary to protect and support children's self-esteem. And not in an atmosphere of competition and comparison.

In this case, this situation needed to be seriously worked out. I couldn’t let my girl cry simply because someone else had done it before her, better, faster. You need to learn to come out of defeats with dignity, with a smile. “Today, yes, I lost, it’s not scary! But I'll win tomorrow! ”

With this attitude, everything changes radically. There is no anger, gloating, a spirit of arrogance and superiority, bitter resentment, tears and passivity. Instead, a calm attitude and focus on the process. Won? - Okay, so everything works out for me! Lost? - It's not scary! Just a game in which the winners and losers constantly change places. Next time it will definitely work!

Here the child learns to maintain self-control and high self-esteem, mobilize all his strength for the next “round,” have a positive attitude towards his opponent and play partner, and communicate constructively without derogatory words.

And this is very important. When a child from childhood learns to accept a challenge calmly, not to freak out, and just as calmly and confidently, without pushing neighbors with his elbows, without crushing the weaker ones, move towards the intended goal.

My daughter and I recently conducted a series of corrective games in this direction and I began to notice that she no longer reacts so sharply to other people’s successes. I encourage her to rejoice in the victories of others, not to pay attention to malicious barbs and to come out of a loss with dignity without tears and hysterics with the consciousness of her own future success, which will definitely come. I provide positive motivation and attitude.

If you also notice how It’s difficult for your child to accept defeat in the game and in life., help him now! By doing this you will protect him in advance from unnecessary problems in the future.

Educational psychologist, neuropsychologist, family consultant and coach on child-parent relationships. She has published in the magazines “9 Months” and “Nanny” as a medical psychologist, and led the column “Question to a Psychologist” in the magazine “9 Months”. Published in Rossiyskaya Gazeta. Author of seminars, courses and trainings for parents on practical child psychology.

Do you know how to lose with dignity? It's good if yes. Because I know many adults who don’t know how to do this. What then can we say about children?! Many parents do not know and do not know how to react when they find themselves in a win-win situation when playing board (and other) games with their own child. Of course, it’s difficult to react calmly when your child practically throws his fists at you after yet another defeat.

Tears, hysterics and screams “It’s not fair, I won’t play with you!” They are unlikely to leave a loving parent’s heart indifferent. At such a moment, you are ready to give in and not play by the rules, just so that your child smiles and does not get nervous. But to what extent is this position of a parent correct? In this case, will the child learn to lose with dignity? Let's figure it out.

Why do children react this way to defeat?

In order to understand what needs to be done, it would be nice to understand why children behave this way when they lose. After all, by and large, a game is just entertainment and children understand this very well. But, nevertheless, the reaction to a loss always causes a storm of negative emotions.

The thing is that a child under 10 years of age is in a state of “omnipotence” . He is used to the fact that he is the center of universal love and attention from his family and simply does not understand that there can be any boundaries in life. Some psychologists claim that most often this reaction is observed in a child who grows up alone in the family. But I will argue here, because I know a huge number of cases when a similar situation occurred in children, where there are two or more children in the family.

Other psychologists, on the contrary, say that such a reaction occurs more often in children from large families. Since in such families the spirit of competition is much more developed. I know from personal experience that such a reaction in children often happens in those families where parents demand victories from the child in any direction. In principle, this is a temporary situation and if you approach this problem correctly, then by the age of 10-12 the child will react quite adequately and calmly for losses in games. It all depends on the approach and attitude of the parents.

How to teach?

The most important thing for parents to remember : if a child does not know how to lose and reacts violently to defeat every time, do not shout at all and punish him. With this behavior and attitude towards the situation, you will make it even worse.

In order to teach your child the correct reaction, follow some simple rules:

• Be a good example

Agree, if mom or dad themselves react violently and get nervous when they lose, the child is unlikely to do anything differently. Don't forget that our children are a mirror. They copy our behavior, our phrases, our reactions. Therefore, when playing games with your child, give in several times in a row so that he wins, and show by your own example how to react to defeat. Tell: " Oh well, better luck next time" or " Someone has to lose too, I'm glad you won" But you shouldn’t show complete indifference to your defeat; you should be a little upset. Otherwise, the child will not understand the difference between victory and defeat. When a child loses, do not scold him, much less tease him. Better support him: " Don't cry, you need to be able to lose with dignity», « You are already playing better, and I believe that next time you will definitely be able to win" or " Every time it becomes more and more difficult for me to win against you!».

Show him that you love him no matter what, he should feel it and see it in your eyes. Alternatively, you can cheer up a child after defeat with comparison words, such as: “ Well, even if you lost, but you are good at mathematics" or " You are a good athlete, you were just a little unlucky today", or whatever the child is interested in.

• Be patient

As I already wrote, most often this behavior is observed in children under the age of 10 years. Of course, you shouldn’t just wait until this age comes; you definitely need to teach and explain to the child how to behave when winning or losing. You just need to be more tolerant of his reaction. Under no circumstances should you console and ask for forgiveness because you won and upset the child. Don't scold him or threaten that you won't play with him anymore if he doesn't stop reacting this way. The child himself understands perfectly well that he is reacting not entirely correctly, but his desire to be the best in the eyes of his parents overrides all knowledge about the rules of behavior. And this absolutely does not mean that he will grow up to be an egoist, you just need to be patient and continue to play with him, regularly teach and explain how to correctly, by your own example, demonstrate a reaction to a loss.

Remember! A child does not know how to lose due to the psychology of his age! He is not selfish or a crybaby, he just doesn’t know how to react differently yet.

• Don't compare your child to someone else

Never compare your child with other children or with a sibling. If you do this, you will develop in your child one desire - to win at any cost. This, to put it mildly, is not correct, and is fraught with consequences in the future. You can only compare a child with himself. That is, if he didn’t know how to do something before, then say: “ You see how great you are, you couldn’t do it before, but now you can easily do it».

You can keep a notebook and write down the results of games there, and then show it to him so that he himself can clearly evaluate his achievements, and at the same time understand that he has really begun to play better.

• Come up with a consolation prize for the loser

It is important to explain to your child that if you give in and he wins every time, then playing will be uninteresting for both of you. Also say that the one who constantly wins usually has no friends; no one wants to play with such an arrogant person. To make it easier for your child to accept defeat, assign a prize to the winner and the loser. Only the prize for the loser must be worse than for the winner. When my son and I play, he usually takes two candies: one chocolate and the other candy and decides which one is which. Naturally, a chocolate candy is for a win, and a lollipop is for a loss.

• Playing one game with your child and seeing that he loses again, offer to play another, one in which he almost always wins

For example, the game “Rock-Paper-Scissors”. This game is good because little depends on the player, and wins and losses alternate very quickly. In such games, a loss is perceived as a temporary setback and is forgotten much more quickly, since victory is sure to follow.

• If the child perceives defeat as too painful, try to choose games in which you do not need to play against each other, play on the same team against a virtual opponent (against the field or against the computer and others).

By the way, such games are not only easier for the child to perceive, but also teach them to play in a team, which is also necessary to be able to do. Plus, they will have a positive effect on your relationship.

• Tell your child about your childhood failures and losses.

Remember (or make up) a story where you were very upset about losing. Show by your own example that you, too, did not always win, but now you have learned to play, which means that over time he will learn, just like you.

A few words in conclusion

Psychologists recommend choosing a game for your child in which he will be the leader. . If you can't run the fastest, maybe you should learn a boomerang? Or if you can’t solve riddles, maybe you should try drawing? Believe me, if you try, you will definitely find something that suits your child perfectly, and this is where he will feel like a winner. As soon as you find this and the child gains confidence in his own abilities, the issue of defeat will be resolved by itself.

Keep playing with your child no matter what . And remember that for a child, home is the safest place on Earth, and only at home can he learn to cope with all the losing situations in his life. And your task is to teach him to do it!

Elena Belokonova

In a previous post, I raised the topic of how a child feels about winning and losing in various games.

Unexpectedly for me, the topic caused a wide resonance among our subscribers and blog readers.

As it turned out, most parents have already encountered this problem in one way or another: finding themselves at a loss, their child begins to either cry inconsolably or freak out.

I have already answered some questions from moms in the comments (if you haven’t read them yet,). She promised to cover the rest a little later. And our article today is a continuation of this very interesting topic.

Buttercup Secret writes:

…And where is that line between a healthy desire to win and an obsession with winning no matter what?

Here, in my opinion, there is no clear line; everything depends on the temperament and individual typological personality traits of the child. Moreover, we should not forget that each baby is unique and the mother herself or another person close to the child can best understand this very boundary.

However, I can give you guidelines. A healthy desire to win involves correct attitude towards winning/losing(I wrote a lot about this in the comments to the previous article, take a look). When it is formed, a calm position and focus on the process are developed. In this case, success is easier to achieve, which gives positive emotions and inspiration. And they, in turn, are the best motivation to repeat the achievement.

The obsession to achieve victory at all costs for young children carries a great risk of receiving a whole bunch of negative emotions and psychological problems in case of failure: dissatisfaction, anger, envy, desire for revenge, or, conversely, lethargy, apathy, indifference and low self-esteem. Well, if successful, such a child will not be able to cope with his feelings, following the path of pompous complacency, neglect of other peers and inflated pride.

When a child who lost/didn’t have time to go somewhere cries after summing up the results of the game, you definitely need to help him. This is like a signal that he cannot independently and adequately evaluate his own tactics in the game, see other possibilities, and switch to the positive.

Nadezhda writes:

...in your example, “it will work out tomorrow,” the child tries, but tomorrow and the next day it didn’t work out, how to explain to the child?

I used the phrase “it will work out tomorrow” in a generalized sense, meaning that success will definitely come, if not today, then another day. It could be tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, etc. It is also important to emphasize here that sitting idly by is also not good. For example, a child fails to catch the ball, it flies past him or jumps out of his uncertain hands. He gets upset. We console him by saying that he will succeed soon (tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, etc.). And here is the moment. If we just leave this game like that, in the hope that he will learn on his own, then we won’t be waiting for that “tomorrow” very soon

But if you suggest to him: “Maxim, don’t be upset, you’ll succeed soon! Let’s practice some more,” and with these words you reduce the distance between you and the child so that it is easier for him to catch the ball from a minimum distance and throw it into his hands. “It worked! Hooray!".

I think you get the point. In case of failure/loss, we encourage the child to have a positive attitude towards future success, while at the same time helping to achieve intermediate successes in small steps.

Here you can also introduce a small clarification, as if indirectly in a conversation, in which you recall previous successes and show your son or daughter that failures are temporary and there is no need to be upset. Give yourself as an example, remember a similar incident from your childhood. The child will understand that his mom or dad were also in this situation and it’s not scary! This It helps to correct the very attitude towards the process of winning/losing.

Also look at this situation from a different angle.

I read one funny story by the Nekrasovs:

It was about a son who brought a bad grade from school. The wise father, seeing his dejected son, did not scold him, believing that he had already been punished. And he told him: “You know, son, there was a thing... once I also grabbed a couple of sailors...”

The son looked at him in surprise, for a moment forgetting about his bad mark. And my father continued: “As I remember now, we wrote a dictation about the sea and about the ship. I mixed up the letters in one word, instead of “O” I wrote “A”. In addition to this word, there were a bunch of other mistakes, but this one simply beat them all. I came up with “Mattresses were running on the deck”... Son, can you imagine how the whole class laughed, imagining how the mattresses were jumping on the deck?!”

His son vividly imagined the ridiculous picture and laughed, then asked: “Dad, what were you doing when everyone was laughing at you?”

“What did you do? Yes, I laughed along with everyone!”

The son sighed with relief. And then the father realized that his boy was most upset not by the mark, but by the attitude. Then the father said: “Sometimes we make mistakes, but it’s not scary, it’s useful. We learn from them, the main thing here is to try not to repeat them. Well, let's fix the mistakes? Sit down, my friend, for your homework!” And the son, reassured, sat down to his homework.

No comments here

Veronica writes:

...but what to do, how to deal with it practically. I have two children, 2 and 5 years old. And we have a constant problem - who will be first. At the same time, the older one seems to provoke all this, and gets a little upset if she has not achieved the result, and the younger one is generally a problem, she starts crying horribly...

Here the problem of age comes to the fore. The difference of almost 3 years is significant enough not to use a competitive element in games. Therefore, it is better not to raise the question of “who is first” among children, not to encourage competition between them, since it is clear that the initial strengths and capabilities are not equal. Plus, just talk to your eldest daughter about this so that she treats her younger daughter adequately (this does not mean concessions on her part, but other games in which there is no need to compete). The younger one is just a distraction.

Oksana writes:

Please write what correctional games you use.

Sevinj writes:

And you can show with examples. How did you achieve this?

I used 2 simple methods:

You can also use these two techniques. They gave us good results within a week with daily use.

It should be noted that the techniques will have a greater effect if the child CAN ALREADY understand and accept the rules of the game and they will be clear to him. This is from about 3 years old. At an earlier age, the child either does not join the competition (does not see the point) or simply ignores the rules (he does not understand why he should follow them and what will happen in the process). He just plays nearby with his peers or with his mother.

Another important note.

I mentioned this Irina in her most recent comment:

Often, in order to avoid conflict, teachers do not summarize the results of competitions for preschoolers and junior schoolchildren. The result is always the same: “Friendship won.” Do you think this is correct?

From my point of view, this is one of the options to prevent unwanted attacks from the losing side. After all, in a group it is much more difficult to control the entire process than with one child. Spontaneity is also taken into account here - many children are more easily infected with a viral mood than an individual child. This is also observed in adults – the “herd effect”.

Therefore, it would be safer not to reinforce this moment when losing, plus to provide prizes not only for the winners, but also for the losers.

So this tactic is good.

Write all questions and impressions in the comments, I’ll read them))

“Actually, being upset if you lose is a completely normal human reaction for both an adult and a small child,” says Elena Trushina, clinical psychologist. - Feeling annoyed, angry, sad - the whole spectrum of feelings is understandable here. Another thing is how ready the adult himself is to face the negative feelings of the child, especially if these feelings are expressed so violently.

Children more often react to losing with actions - they can hit their playing partner, throw something at him, or cry. Younger schoolchildren use verbal aggression - they can call you names, refuse to continue the game further, become very offended, for example, children often say: “I’m leaving you!” - they slam the door.

It is normal for a preschooler or seven-year-old child not to know how to lose; their experience is very limited. Children’s self-esteem is still being formed, and therefore it changes situationally - “Now I won, I’m better than everyone, I lost - I’m worse than everyone.” In addition, preschoolers and primary schoolchildren often tend to overestimate their capabilities, so losing becomes a particular disappointment for them. By the age of ten, a more or less stable self-esteem is normally formed. The child already knows what he is like, understands that he is good and smart in any case. From this moment on, external circumstances - losses and victories - have much less influence on him. It turns out that a calm reaction to failure can be expected from a child by about 10-12 years.”

There are reasons

The child learns to accept his successes and failures gradually. What if the painful reaction is frequent and acute? Psychologist-consultant Maria Dmitrievskaya offers to understand: y Perhaps parents react too harshly to the child’s failure and do not praise him enough for his achievements. Both mothers and fathers often make too ambitious plans for the baby, which he tries to live up to. Then losing is not just an insult, it is a real disappointment in yourself and your abilities. y child often copies the parents' reaction to a loss.

Sometimes adults themselves do not know how to accept failures normally, not only in games with a child, but also in real adult life.

Children notice and read our emotions not only directly in joint interaction, but also by observation. y the child has a strong emotional sphere. Then this will manifest itself not only in the game, but in all areas of life. One cannot expect that a child of this type will ever be calm and self-possessed, but it is worth teaching him to manage his emotions.

“Behind the inability to lose is an unstable self-esteem, which is based on high personal anxiety, the fear of being worse than others,” says psychologist Alexander Shadura. “We are not talking about low or high self-esteem, it is precisely an internal, basic lack of confidence in one’s own worth. If a child never learns “healthy” loss, a number of difficulties will arise:

• Such people are quite conflicted, tend to invent enemies for themselves, because it seems to them that the world is a continuous competition where everyone is fighting against them.
• Often this position is combined with an inability to admit that one is wrong.- everyone is to blame except them. If a person is unable to accept his share of responsibility for situations that arise in life, this will negatively affect his relationships with other people.
• Sometimes such a child, and then an adult, begins to choose only obviously weaker partners., which means it will not move forward - after all, for full development, we need to face those who are stronger than us and respond to challenges.
• Difficulties with subordination situations may arise at work., and in personal relationships it is difficult for him to establish friendly, partnerships without competition.

Try not to evaluate the child’s feelings, but to label them: “you’re angry”

This is a mistake

According to Elena Trushina, a clinical psychologist, such parental reactions will not be beneficial. - Assess how you usually react to your child’s sadness and anger. The most common reaction is to devalue the loss, the game itself, and ultimately the child’s feelings. For example, it might sound like this: “Forget it, it's just a game. Is it possible to worry so much about nonsense? Just think!” Remember that children always play seriously, so such a reaction does not help the child, but shows that the parent does not understand anything about what is important to him.

— You do not empathize - in the hope that the child will gather his will into a fist: “Come on, calm down - if you cry and get angry, you won’t be able to win at all. Only the strong win." But losing is truly unpleasant, and everyone can count on sympathy, not pressure.

— Sometimes parents are so afraid of a hysterical reaction that they prefer not to even create opportunities for such a development of events, that is, they give in.

However, the interaction in the game should be natural. After all, in life a child will definitely encounter someone who will win against him. If he is not ready for this, it will be very difficult for him.

Don’t be afraid to win against your child - this is a very important experience for him, when he develops endurance for losses, “resilience”, which allows him not to break down from failures. “Sometimes adults seem to forget that they are, in fact, more experienced and smarter. Having won, such mothers and fathers may begin to gloat and mock. Sometimes this is a principled position - “the child must understand who is in charge here, and I will show it to him.” But communication with children is not a field for self-affirmation or increasing one’s self-esteem. Is the value of winning more important to an adult than the value of a relationship with a child?

How to react to a loss?

Did the child lose? Have some sympathy

“You’re sad now—it’s really, it’s a shame to lose. I see that you are angry with everyone, frowning, clenching your fists. I understand you." This is how we do not evaluate feelings, but label them. Such support will lead to the fact that soon the child will be able to reflect and accept his feelings without committing aggressive actions.

Show an example of an adequate reaction to a loss

For example, say this: “It’s a pity, I didn’t want to lose, but it happened. Nothing. Next time it will be better." You can joke to yourself: “Oh, where are you, my luck? Why did you turn your back on me?!” At the same time, you should not expect that your child will copy you instantly and demonstrate iron restraint and calmness in the next game. This is “delayed imitation”: it seems to us that the child does not perceive either our words or our example at all, but this is not so. It just might work after a while. A child who has been throwing tantrums over losing for many years suddenly begins to teach his younger brother or sister the correct reaction, for example, saying: “See, I lost this time, but I don’t cry or scream.”

There are no clear instructions on how many times you need to win and how many times you need to lose

Imagine that you are fiddling and wrestling with a baby - knowing that you are physically stronger, fighting on equal terms is impossible, you calculate your strength. The line goes where both partners enjoy the game, where the child learns to enjoy victories without gloating, and to lose calmly. An adult is required to correlate his efforts with the child’s capabilities at different ages.

Give your child the opportunity to play not only with you

But also in a variety of companies - peers, younger children, children of different ages. This will help him try out different behavioral strategies.

It is important to play not only games where individual winning is possible, but also those where the team wins

For example, some board games allow a team of players to play against the game rather than against each other. Losing or winning together brings team members closer together and makes defeat less offensive.

Surely, inside the game, especially if it is a game in which you need to rely not only on luck, the child also used tactically correct moves. Therefore, when he has calmed down, you can offer to analyze his mistakes and draw conclusions from them. For example, chess, backgammon, and board strategy games (Carcassonne, Jackal, Ticket to ride, Evolution) are great for this. Pay attention to the moments where the child acted successfully, even give him the opportunity to replay the game.

It is important to be flexible and take into account the characteristics of each specific parent-child pair

For example, there are children who need more support, more experience of winning. In addition, the child grows and parental strategies should grow with him: for example, playing on equal terms with a teenager makes him feel your respect, recognition of his maturity, high intelligence, even if you win more often.

Talk about how you yourself cope with losing, talk about your failures

Of course, such a conversation should be conducted when the child has calmed down, when he is ready to hear you.

Explain to your child that all people sometimes win and sometimes lose.

And losing does not mean that a person is worse than others, just unlucky today. We can say that everyone needs mistakes and losses, because it is from them that we learn. The most important thing is to sympathize with the child - to rejoice in his victories, to be upset with him when he loses.

It is important for an adult to remember that playing with a child also strengthens the relationship with him, helps him learn to manage different feelings, and be in contact with a loved one. The game begins for the sake of the child, for him, which means that in the game the adult has two tasks: to remain an empathetic, and sometimes condescending, adult and at the same time play honestly, because children are very sensitive to falsehood.