There are a whole host of reasons leading to this state of affairs. Firstly, in the working order of life we ​​often encounter criticism, simply because without highlighting mistakes, it is impossible to correct them. Secondly, we are accustomed to the fact that boasting and being proud is not very decent. In addition, even after hearing a compliment, we are more likely to say to ourselves - this is flattery, I didn’t try that hard, but I can’t do this and that. Let's think about the downsides again.

Meanwhile, it is the inner feeling that you are doing well that creates self-esteem, instills confidence and simply gives happiness. How can you believe in your merits and finally admit that you are worthy of much?

1. Know your strengths well

Do you express your thoughts beautifully or silently and quickly complete complex tasks? Do you know how to feel and understand people or quickly adapt to changes? Some people pick it up on the fly, but you can see what others won’t notice at high speeds. Is there any point in taking on something in which you will lose, if due to your talents you can feel happier and score points in any business?

2. Develop a different perspective on mistakes

The benefit of feeling guilty is that we feel responsible and are ready to correct what we were involved in. But it is important to understand that in principle there are no guilty parties, because every misunderstanding has its own reasons. Learn to justify yourself, at least in your own eyes.

3. Don’t discount successes

Does a colleague admire your jewelry or perfume? Do not shift the conversation to too high a price or cheap jewelry material. Tell us how you carefully chose them or how you suddenly followed the lead of your chic intuition.

4. Disregard shortcomings

It's easy to learn, but harder to make a habit. Try the keyword "so what". So what if you overslept and were late, but you washed and ironed until midnight. So what if you can’t lose weight - you’re trying!

5. Praise yourself for little things

You can’t imagine how many positive qualities you have that you show every day. Cook - you are a great mother! Greet your neighbors - a polite and kind person.

6. Praise yourself for bad things

There are two sides to absolutely everything, it all depends on what you saw. Got into a row in line? We put things in order. Didn't take off your makeup at night? Well, you are not obsessed with extra wrinkles and can easily relax and forget about it.

7. Find what prevents you from praising yourself

This could be a fear of attention to one’s own person, a fear of losing our usual surroundings (after all, we may think that people will judge us for standing out), a reluctance to maintain the status of a “star,” responsibility for obligations taken (what to say if next time will there be a misfire?).

8. Ask for praise

People are more likely to recognize our strengths and will easily meet you halfway if they admit that you need it. It will be awkward at first, but the things you deserve are well worth it.

9. Reduce perfectionism

Stop yourself at the moment when it seems to you that you have not yet done everything well. And make sure that everything is already good enough. Praise yourself for this, and praise yourself for striving for excellence.

10. Praise yourself for nothing

When you find it difficult to appreciate yourself for something in general, learn to praise and support yourself for no reason. For the fact that you exist and bring joy to people and the world, think and try to look for answers, work and be useful, love and are loved.

Is there anything negative about the phrase “you’re great”? At first glance, this is ordinary, standard praise, with the help of which you can “reinforce” a person’s correct behavior. Many experts advise this is how to correct the actions of other people in the right direction. But the famous American psychologist Alfie Kohn, in his book “Punishment by Reward,” adheres to a different point of view: praise not only has no benefit, but can also be harmful. Why is it worth holding back your emotions in a conversation with a colleague, child, friend? How to express your approval if you still want to support your interlocutor?

What is the danger

If you want to prevent a person from performing a task efficiently, praise him right before he starts working.

Sounds paradoxical, doesn't it? Get acquainted with the results of two experiments, after which the phrase above will no longer seem so ridiculous.

In Israel, fifth and sixth grade students were asked to complete a creative task. Those who were praised for their work showed a noticeably lower result in the next exercise than those whose work received a neutral rating. In addition, these children performed the second task worse than the first, which they did even before they were praised. A similar study was conducted in the USA with the participation of college students. It also showed that praise consistently leads to a decrease in the quality of work.

What is the connection between verbal approval and poor performance? First, when a person is praised for successfully completing a job that was not particularly difficult, he may take this as a hint that he is not that capable or talented, and therefore is praised for bullshit. He develops low expectations regarding his abilities, and the person begins to work less persistently and persistently. Secondly, praise also means moral pressure, because now you need to live up to a high rating. What's the easiest way to achieve this? Follow the beaten path, avoid risks and everything new. In other words, it is better to choose a proven, albeit banal, method than to try to surprise and stand out. And when we subconsciously try to “just do our job well,” interest in the task decreases. That's why you shouldn't expect verbal approval to stimulate improved quality of work.

Praise does not lead to good behavior, as is commonly believed.

We praise people, and especially children, not only to get them to do good work, but also to help them develop good values ​​and improve self-esteem. But what's really going on? Praise can encourage desired behavior, but only temporarily. And it doesn’t change a person’s values ​​in any way. In 1991, the results of a study conducted by Joan Grusech with the participation of preschoolers were published: it was found that those who were often praised by their mothers for their generosity showed it in their daily life somewhat less often than their peers.

Praise also does not help the formation of healthy self-esteem.

Rather, it works in the opposite direction. We often perceive kind words spoken to us as control. For example, your boss says: “You chose a great way to solve this problem. Keep it up!". Subconsciously, we begin to think that it was not our own decisions that led to success, but the choice of exactly the method that the boss considered successful. That is, praise can be not only ineffective, but also harmful.

What to use instead of praise?

You may think that since you can’t praise, you should be silent or grumble. This is wrong. We can minimize the negative impact of praise, and at the same time on new achievements. Here are four practical recommendations:

• Praise not people, but the results of their activities.

If we refrain from judging the person himself, then the gap between what he hears and what it begins to think about himself will be minimal. It is better to comment on performance results or what a person is doing right now, rather than character traits and abilities. “It’s a great story” is preferable to “you write great.”

• Be as specific as possible in your praise.

We must not only look at activities or their results as a whole, but also pay attention to specific aspects of the work that strike us as particularly innovative or otherwise worthy of mention. Therefore, it’s better to say not even “the story turned out great,” but “what a great idea you had to leave the main character in some confusion at the end of the story.”

• Avoid empty praise.

Parents or teachers who are sincerely pleased with something that a child has done should not at all hide their delight and joy. Praise becomes dubious when it is clearly perceived not as a spontaneous expression of emotions, but as a thoughtful strategy, a trick spied in a book. When we are taught that we need to “catch people when they do something right or good” and praise them for it, these are the kinds of rather harmful and artificial techniques that are being imposed on us. The result is false rather than genuine approval. One of the sure signs of false praise is an unpleasant “sweet” voice, with active modulation, which is completely different from the one we use in everyday life.

• Avoid praise that breeds competition.

Under no circumstances should you praise a person by comparing him with others. Phrases like “you're the best in this class” (or “in this department”) should be permanently eliminated from our vocabulary. Research clearly indicates that such comments are suppressive. But they also have a more dangerous, albeit less noticeable, effect: they cause the person receiving praise to view others as competitors rather than potential allies and colleagues. Because of this, a person gets used to thinking that he is worthy of high praise only if he was able to outperform everyone else, and this is a direct path to chronic self-doubt.

Public praise also breeds competition.

For example, a teacher in an elementary school says to the whole class: “I really like how Vanechka sits upright and calm and is ready to work,” and with this he announces a competition for the title of the Most Obedient and Quiet Student. Obviously, everyone except Vanechka at this moment feels like they have lost the competition. Praise in this form also has three other serious drawbacks. Firstly, it is harmful for Vanechka himself: his relationships with his classmates can seriously deteriorate if he is declared the Most Obedient and Quiet. Secondly, the key word in this praise is “me.” All this does not help Vanechka himself understand what it means to be obedient and quiet; he only learns to please the teacher.

And lastly: in this example, the teacher praises Vanya in order to manipulate the behavior of the other students. Citing someone as an example is completely unacceptable, regardless of whether we are offering encouragement or punishment. Public praise is little better than public criticism. Therefore, you need to evaluate people exclusively one on one.

“If you don’t know what to praise your child for, come up with it!” - every teacher should arm himself with this simple recommendation from psychiatrist and psychotherapist V. Levi. How to praise a student correctly? We propose to look into this issue together.

The value of teacher praise

Let's start with the fact that it is imperative to praise the student! Why? To evaluate the student’s efforts, support him, increase self-esteem and increase motivation to study the subject. A teacher's approval can work wonders! Water falling on a fading flower has the same effect as a kind teacher’s word on a child who needs his support and attention.

The main function of praise is to convey the teacher’s sincere faith in the capabilities of his student. But every student needs positive assessment and approval of his activities and achievements. This is the only way to learn and have fun. The teacher's task is to constantly find good reasons for verbal encouragement of his students.

Golden rules of teacher praise

How to praise a student in class without doing him a disservice? To do this, it is important for the teacher to follow the following rules.

1. Praise for diligence!

The student should be praised for the effort and diligence he put into completing a task or assignment, and not for the good abilities and intelligence given to him by nature. For example, you can praise a student in a Russian language lesson for an excellent dictation like this: “Well done! You read a lot, carefully prepared for work, repeated all the rules!” In this case, it is not entirely correct to say: “You didn’t make a single mistake in the dictation! You have innate literacy! And in an English lesson it will be a good motivation.

2. Praise actions, not personality!

In praising, it is very important to express approval of the student’s actions and achievements, and not to evaluate his personality. Otherwise, the student may develop biased inflated self-esteem and self-esteem. And this, as they say, is a topic for a separate article.

3. Be clear about what you are praising for!

It is important that the student understands why exactly he was praised, what exactly he managed to do well. General praise has low effectiveness and raises doubts about its sincerity. For example, if you want to praise a student in a drawing lesson, you can pay attention to the details of the drawing: “What a beautiful bowl of fruit you managed to depict!” It is recommended to avoid general phrases: “You are smart! A real artist!” If appropriate, try to emphasize the difficulty of the task successfully completed by the student.

4. Praise in moderation and to the point!

Teacher praise should be sincere, deserved, moderate and justified so as not to cause envy on the part of other students. Immense praise loses all value and meaning and accustoms the child to cheap success. A student who is praised for every little thing subconsciously expects approval for almost every action he takes. And when he doesn’t receive it, he is sincerely perplexed. In addition, praise without measure is a direct path to arrogance, the cause of laziness and indifference to other subjects.

5. Praise not only your “favorites”!

Every classroom has an informal hierarchy whereby some students are considered more worthy of praise than others. How can you praise your students who are not popular with their classmates? Insistent praise towards them can only worsen the attitude of the class towards them. It is important to reasonably support such students and pay attention to their successes in academic and extracurricular activities. To praise his “favorites,” it is advisable for the teacher to choose the most appropriate moment for this.

6. Stick to the good stuff!

How easily, with the help of verbal approval, a teacher can increase a student’s self-esteem! But just one extra sentence can ruin everything. For example, if a teacher wanted to praise a student in a math lesson for an interesting solution to one problem, he should not point out that he was unsuccessful in the rest of the work. An unsuccessful example of praise: “Well done! You solved this problem in an unusual way! And I don’t even want to look at the other examples!” In this context, the last sentence should not have come from the teacher’s lips.

Teacher praise should not contain reproaches, conditions and clarifications; it must end on a good note. After praising a student, you should not after some time dissuade him of the significance of this personal achievement.

By the way, it is no less important to teach parents to their children.

7. Don’t pit one student against the whole class!

You cannot praise one student if the group does not support him. Even if he did the right thing. For example, how to praise a student in a chemistry lesson if he completed his homework alone? It is best to do this alone with your child. After all, praise in front of the whole class (albeit well-deserved) in this case can generate not so much envy among classmates as aggression. But this student is not to blame for anything!

8. Praise without comparison!

It is important that teacher praise is unconditional and does not contain comparisons. Do not compare the student’s successes, results and personal qualities with the achievements of peers. Don’t say that Fyodor is great because he coped with the task better than his classmate Ivan or Nikolai.

9. Reinforce praise!

Praise supported by approving nonverbal components (smiles, facial expressions, open gestures) is more powerful and effective.

10. Stock up on “I-messages”!

More effective is the praise when expressed by the teacher using the “I-message”. For example, you can praise a student in a literature lesson like this: “I’m very glad that you managed to learn and expressively recite this difficult poem.” Such praise helps bring the teacher and his students closer together.

Praise is a very effective, important and subtle tool in the proper upbringing of children. Teachers are reasonable and have reasonable expectations, and most students will be able to meet them. It is important for a teacher to remember that the most valuable and effective praise for a student is well-deserved and moderate. Look for a reason to praise your students, and you will definitely find it!

Photo: Ekaterina Pashkova.

There is probably not a single full-fledged girl who would not like to please the male sex. There are many tricks to attract a man's attention, but one of the most effective is, of course, compliments. They are loved by both rich and poor; high social status and low. Well, that's all.

Only a compliment that is unfortunate makes you just want to turn away or even walk away from the person who said it. Especially if the compliment hurts a man’s pride. Everything should be literate, even such a small thing. How you can praise a man, and how to praise a man correctly: this article will tell you examples of the right compliments as opposed to the wrong ones.

Stupid criticism is not as noticeable as stupid praise.
Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin

Principles that reveal the idea of ​​how to properly praise a man

The main principle is that a man is the best. All. Other accolades will not be accepted.

Naturally, the forms of presenting this thought can be completely different, both successful and unsuccessful. It is best to dress this idea in beautiful clothes rather than ones that disgrace man’s dignity.

So, how should you praise a man so that there is a greater chance of results?

• Under no circumstances compare him with others, even when he is better than others. Nobody likes to be compared. You respect a man's opinion, right?
  You can't praise a man for everything. This should only be done if he really deserves it.
  

  Unfortunately, many girls use this advice as an excuse not to praise their loved one. This leads to the relationship falling apart. Remember, every person has something to praise for.

  
  

  Nobody is stopping you from studying. You won't know how to properly praise a guy if you've never done it before. If you have these abilities, it does not exempt you from practicing. It often happens that more talented people achieve less in life just because they did nothing to develop themselves.

  
  

  Compliments must be sincere. If this rule is not followed, then sooner or later your loved one will hear falsehood and your relationship can be considered over after some time.

  How to properly praise a man depending on his status and age?

  In fact, it doesn’t really matter how old a person is or what social position he occupies. If you mean something to him, then he will appreciate your compliments. However, you need to understand some nuances here too. Obviously, the child accepts compliments better and can be praised for little things. Because the child is dependent on you.

  
  

  So, we need to know how to properly praise a man with status. Examples of proper compliments are:

  
  

How often do we hear kind, affectionate words addressed to us? How often do we ourselves say kind words to our family and friends? Unfortunately, it is much easier for us to scold or yell at someone than to be happy for the person and praise him. How to praise a person? How to prevent boasting from becoming flattery?

Praise

Praise is approval, praising, complimenting, exalting, praising a person. Very often the question arises: “How to praise a person correctly?” You must praise sincerely, from the bottom of your heart. Praise often works wonders. You need to praise a person for specific actions, deeds, deeds.

We must also remember about the individuality of a person. After all, some people are pleased to be praised in public, while others are more pleased to hear approval and kind words only in personal communication.

You should not use a person who has just been praised as an example. This is not always pleasant for others; perhaps for them this person is not a role model.

You definitely need to praise your family! To praise a loved one, you can always find a good reason. You can say words of gratitude to your family every day simply for existing!

How to praise a man

Beautiful compliments for your beloved men will then be perceived correctly when they are said to the point. Empty praise can be viewed with suspicion by a man. So, she needs something again! But sincerely expressed praise based on his actions, deeds or achievements will be perceived completely differently.

Unfortunately, a woman often does not know how to praise her beloved; she sees no reason for this. Men can be praised for some things, even if they seem obvious to a woman. If you praise your beloved man for every little thing, he will feel needed and useful. And if you also praise him for something significant, it can inspire a man and he will move mountains for his beloved.

Here are some phrases that are pleasant for every man:

• You are the best!
• I felt very good!
• Thank you, everything was so delicious!
• I love you!

How to praise a girl

Girls and women have always liked pleasant words and compliments. She needs to praise what she herself is proud of. It could be eyelashes, eyes, hair, legs, figure, dress, etc. You can praise a girl not only for her actions, but also for her character traits, for her appearance:

• Darling, your elegant walk makes my heart beat faster!
• Your sexy nose is asking for a kiss!
• Only you can love like that!
• Your magical voice takes me far away, to the planet of love!
• You are like an angel: beautiful and divine!

How to praise a child

Children are often punished - for reasons or just because. How to praise a child, what words to find for him? Unfortunately, the main words for praise are “good”, “well done”. The following words of praise can be offered:

• I always believed in you!
• I didn't know you could do that!
• It's nice to look at your work!
• Your help could not have come at a better time!
• You can be relied on!
• You can serve as an example for others!
• Thank you, dear, for your honesty!
• You are an exceptional child!
• You are my pride!
• A brave deed!
• You are just amazing!

The child must be praised, including for little things: he washed the dishes, cleaned the bed, put toys in their place, solved a problem, read, wrote (even if it’s just one straight, beautiful letter from an entire sentence). For older children, you need to find other words that will be important for their age.

How to praise yourself

Every person wants to hear kind words addressed to him or her, praise for some actions. There are moments when not everything goes well, but you definitely need to support yourself and praise yourself at this time. First you need to do this alone with yourself in front of the mirror. Look into your eyes and praise yourself, you can mentally, you can out loud, “You’re great, you’ll definitely succeed, you’re strong, you’ll definitely make it!” This provides psychological support to overcome difficulties.

You need to learn to praise yourself out loud, in the presence of others, you need to do it in a humorous manner, which does not prevent this praise from being effective.

Praising yourself for a job well done in the form of natural encouragement works very well: your favorite food (chocolate, fruit, beer, etc.), a long-awaited item, and the like.

Make each other stronger, happier, more loved!